


i'm only seventeen, i don't know anything

by catj101, QueenIsabelle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Marauders era, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27883675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catj101/pseuds/catj101, https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenIsabelle/pseuds/QueenIsabelle
Summary: It's seventh year for the Marauders and Lily Evans. Lily and James are dealing with their feelings for each other while the war with Voldemort brews in the wings.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	1. screaming, crying, perfect storms

**Author's Note:**

> My best friend and I are writing this! We are alternating POVs, so see if you can guess who is writing who!

_screaming, crying, perfect storms_  
~blank space, taylor swift

* * *

Lily Evans breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she stepped onto the Hogwarts Express, having waved goodbye to her parents, her luggage in her hand. On her jumper, her Head Girl badge gleamed. Her red hair swung behind her in a high ponytail as she walked down the aisle of the train. She set about looking for a familiar face—one of her dormmates, or Remus, perhaps—but was forced to a stop when James Potter stepped out of the next compartment.

Lily had a complicated relationship with James Potter. For the longest time, she had strongly disliked him, hated him, even, for bullying her best friend. But when Severus—no, Snape, she corrected herself—called her the “M” word, the bullying had lessened and James had been… kind to her. It was strange and complicated, but Lily had always embraced the strange and complicated.

“Hello, James,” she said politely. James beamed at her, the bright white of his smile standing out against his brown skin, and he strode forward to greet her.

“Hello, Lily,” he said. “Can I help you with your luggage?” He motioned to the large trunk in her hand. Involuntarily, her hand tightened on the handle. She forced it loose and took a breath.

“Er, sure,” she said, awkwardly handing it over. James hefted it into his arms and turned back to the compartment he’d just left. Lily followed and stood in the doorway, noting that both Sirius and Remus were already seated beside each other.

“Lily!” Remus said. “How was your holiday?”

A wave of relief washed over her at his presence. She did not want to be stuck in a compartment with James and Sirius. “Good, and yours?”

“It was alright. I see that you’re Head Girl.” Remus nodded at the badge on Lily’s chest. Lily couldn’t help but straighten her posture. It had been both a surprise and a pleasure when she’d received the letter—a muggleborn witch, Head Girl. She loved that she was going to get to rub it in all of the Blood Purists’ faces. Quickly, she scanned Remus’s outfit for his own badge but only saw the prefect pin.

“Remus, are you not Head Boy?” Lily asked. Remus shook his head. Lily felt her stomach drop. If Remus wasn’t Head Boy, then that meant that someone else was, and that didn’t bode well for Lily. She shuddered to think of who she might be stuck with all year, worried that Snape had been chosen. She didn’t know what would be worse—him actively hating her, or him trying to get her to forgive him. He’d done both in the past couple of years since their friendship had ended.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, bringing Lily out of her thoughts. “You can imagine our surprise when Remus wasn’t chosen but James was.”

Lily whirled around to face James, who was straightening up from having put her luggage in the rack overhead. He pulled his jumper down a little, and that was when Lily saw it, the spark of the Head Boy badge. He grinned sheepishly.

“You’re Head Boy?” Lily demanded.

“Yeah,” James said. “Surprise?”

Lily opened and closed her mouth several times, much like a fish. “That can’t be possible.”

“I assure you, it is.” From his pocket, James produced a letter with the Hogwarts seal. Lily snatched it from him and quickly read over the letter. It was true, signed by Dumbledore and everything.

Finally, Lily looked up. “There must be some sort of mistake.”

James frowned. “That’s a little hurtful, don’t you think?”

“The Head Boy position is chosen because of academic achievement, outstanding reputation as a student, and an honest, good, and hard-working personality,” Lily recited. She’d read through her own letter enough that she’d memorized the qualifications. She’d even shown it to Petunia, though her sister couldn’t have cared less.

“So you’re in charge of the other students at your school for freaks,” Petunia had said. “I’m supposed to be impressed?”

Now, Lily felt herself shrink under her sister’s comments once more. If James Potter had been chosen for Head Boy, then surely the bar was low. Did Dumbledore really equate her prowess as a witch to the likeness of one of the biggest troublemakers at Hogwarts?

“I know,” James said now. “I can read.”

“So you know that you’re hardly qualified for the position,” Lily said.

James frowned again. “Now, wait a minute. I know that I can be a bit of a prankster, but I fit the qualifications. I got Outstandings on my O.W.L.s, that’s academic achievement. I’m one of the best Quidditch players in the school, that’s an outstanding reputation. And I’m hardworking!”

“Yeah, you work hard to annoy people,” Lily snapped.

“Oh, please. You’re just mad that I’m more popular than you,” James said with a smug smirk.

“Piss off!” Lily rarely swore, but James Potter always managed to drag it out of her.

“James, Lily, please,” Remus said, his voice strained.

“Shut up, Remus,” Sirius said. “It’s just getting good.”

“Shut up, both of you,” James growled, glaring at his friends. He turned his glare on Lily. “I worked hard for this spot, just like you.”

“You have never worked as hard as I have a day in your life,” Lily said. James was a pureblood, James grew up around magic, James was rich. Lily was the opposite. She had fought tooth and nail for her accomplishments, and like hell she was going to let some spoiled little boy ruin that.

“You know nothing about me,” James said, his voice dangerously low.

“And you know nothing about me or the real world,” Lily fired back.

“Guys!” Remus’s voice broke through their staring contest. “We have to go up to the front of the train to meet with all of the prefects.”

Lily and James stared blankly at him.

Remus sighed. “Patrols?”

“Oh, shite!” Lily swore. She took out her wand and, with a short flick, summoned her robes. They hit James in the back of his head as they flew out. She quickly pulled them on and exited the compartment, Remus following in her wake.

“You know,” Remus muttered. “James does deserve this. He has worked hard.”

Lily huffed.

* * *

After a long, tense ride, with silences only filled by Remus and Sirius muttering to each other every once in a while, Lily was eager to leave the train and board the carriages to Hogwarts. She stepped off of the train and breathed in the cool, crisp autumn air, letting it fill her lungs. She felt the tension melt from her body, and she felt more confident. She could handle a year as Head Girl with James Potter. It wasn’t ideal, but it was better than the alternative—the Slytherin prefect who just so happened to be her ex-best friend.

A breeze blew past and Lily shivered, gathering her robes closer around her.

“Lily!”

She looked up at the sound of her name to see Alice Fortescue waving wildly, their other dorm mates not far behind. Lily could have cried with how relieved she felt.

“Alice!” She ran at her friends, and they all collided into one big group hug. “Mary! Doe! I missed you all!”

“You two are ridiculous,” Doe said, laughing. “You act as if we didn’t see each other two weeks ago at Diagon Alley.”

Alice hugged Lily protectively, resting her head on the shorter girl’s. “It’s a transition when you go from living with a person to only seeing them a few times in the summer.”

“We had weekly sleepovers!” Doe said, throwing her hands up in the air.

Lily laughed, the light atmosphere of her friends lifting a weight off of her shoulders. “Come on, let’s go get a carriage before they all fill up.”

Her friends nodded, and they headed towards the carriages, snagging one near the back. The girls climbed in, and Lily examined each of her friends, all changed into their robes with their ties of Gryffindor red and gold.

“You’ll never guess who Head Boy is,” Lily said, suddenly dying to tell her dorm mates about her terrible train ride. She paused a moment for dramatic effect, then: “James Potter.”

“What?”

“No way!”

“You’re so lucky!”

That last one was from Mary. Lily shot her a glare.

“How am I lucky? He’s an arrogant toe-rag!” Lily fumed.

“I haven’t heard you call him that since fifth year,” Alice said, laughing.

“Well, it’s true.” Lily huffed.

“Oh, come on, Lily, he’s not that bad,” Doe said soothingly. “He was much nicer last year.” Lily had to concede that she had a point.

“And he’s fit,” Mary added. Lily scowled. She did not have to concede that point.

“Mary, please,” Alice said, shooting their friend a look. “Don’t antagonize Lily.”

Mary shrugged daintily and smirked. Lily fought the urge to hex it off her—just a simple hex, not one that would do any lasting damage.

Lily began to recount her tale of woe from the train, starting with the row that she and James had had before lamenting the trials of trying to give assignments to the prefects before ending with the tense, silence-filled train ride that was only broken towards the end when Remus had finished his own patrol. Her friends listened sympathetically, but Lily noticed the looks that they were giving each other.

“What?” Lily finally asked after the last loaded glance passed between her three dorm mates. Another glance, this one guilty.

“It just sounds like… you need to give James a chance,” Alice said slowly.

Lily blanched. “After everything he’s done?”

“Sure, he could be a bully when we were younger, but he’s grown out of that now,” Doe said.

“And into his trousers,” Mary added under her breath.

“Mary!” Lily blushed hard. “That’s hardly appropriate.”

“We just think that James has changed a lot over the past couple of years, and that you shouldn’t be so quick to shut him down,” Alice cut in.

Lily looked at her friends in disbelief. She’d always known that they’d never understood her distaste for James Potter—he’d only ever really bullied Snape, and they couldn’t have cared less about Lily’s old friend—but they’d always supported her at least.

Alice seemed to understand her thought process. “We still love you and support you, of course.”

“We just think that you shouldn’t be so quick to judge,” Doe finished.

Lily sighed, leaning back in the seat and crossing her arms over her chest. “Fine.”

The carriage slowed to a halt. They had arrived at the gates. Quickly, the girls exited the carriage. They linked arms and made their way to the entrance to Hogwarts, passing by students of all ages and houses. Lily noticed the Marauders off to the side and gave them a moment of thought—would it be so bad to befriend James? The boy in question looked up then and caught her staring at him, hazel eyes boring into her green ones. Lily broke their gaze and turned her head forwards.

She let her friends drag her to the Great Hall, where it was decked out in finery. They found their usual seats at the Gryffindor table and slid into them, Lily and Alice on one side with Mary and Doe sitting opposite them. The girls all glanced up at the front to examine the staff table. There was Hagrid, the groundskeeper, and Professor McGonagall, the Transfiguration teacher. Lily caught Professor Slughorn’s eye, and he waved at her. She waved back. He had taken a liking to her for her prowess in potions in her first year, and ever since, he’d made it a point to be overtly friendly. It was well-known in Hogwarts that Slughorn collected students like some people collected stamps, eager to show off his most gifted ones.

Eventually, the Great Hall filled up with students and more of the staff, and Professor McGonagall left to go meet the first year students. Lily and her friends continued to talk, gossiping about what the teachers might have done over the summer, with Mary suggesting scandalous things. Lily noticed the Marauders come in and sit a few seats down from her and her friends, James and Sirius across from Remus and Peter Pettigrew, who never did join them in the compartment on the train. That was surprising to Lily, as Peter was usually never far from the group. Before she could ruminate on the oddness for any longer, though, the first years were led into the Great Hall and the Sorting began.

Lily clapped along with her housemates as child after child was sorted into one of the four houses. They cheered especially loudly whenever a student was sorted into Gryffindor, drawing them in and ruffling their hair or patting them on the back. Finally, the Sorting was finished and the food appeared. Lily dug in, suddenly starving. She had eaten a bag of peanut M&Ms before getting on the train, a small stack that her parents had picked up for her, but that was all that she’d really eaten today, too excited for the start of the new year.

Now, though, now Lily was home, and she let herself indulge. She’d missed the camaraderie and the family-like atmosphere over the summer. There was nothing quite like the friendships she’d made at Hogwarts, and she never slept as soundly at home as she did in her bed in the castle. Lily might not have been born a witch, but she’d taken to it like a duck to water, and she couldn’t imagine ever not having magic.

Lily looked up from her spoon of pudding and caught James’s eye once again. He was staring at her. Slowly, Lily waved at him. He beamed and waved back. Satisfied, Lily turned back to her pudding.

This year was going to be a good year.


	2. i got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Lily have their first official prefect meeting as Head Boy and Head Girl.

_i got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined_  
~look what you made me do, taylor swift

* * *

James sighed as he climbed through the portrait of the Fat Lady and stepped into the common room. There were more people in the Common Room than James expected, mostly third years who were strewn about. He thought that Sirius would have claimed the couch by the fireplace, as it was his favorite spot to nap in the afternoon, but a group of girls occupied it instead.

James climbed up the stairs, taking them two at a time, to get to where the Marauder’s dormitory was. When he swung open the door, he found Sirius lying in Remus’s bed, fully dressed with shoes on. His eyes were closed and his long black hair had been tied back.

“You forgot which bed was yours, huh?” James asked, hitting his leg as he passed. Sirius jumped at James hitting his leg. 

“No, didn’t feel like taking my shoes off,” he replied. “And I wasn’t going to sleep with them on my bed.”

James laughed a little and walked towards his bed. He threw his bag on the floor and sat on his bed. He kicked his shoes off and loosened his tie a little. He wanted nothing more than to just go and fly a few laps around the Quidditch pitch and practice his throws. He had a meeting tonight with all the prefects and Lily Evans, and James knew she wouldn’t be pleased if he arrived all sweaty and out of uniform to the meeting. 

After Lily had balked so hard at James being Head Boy, he wasn’t looking forward to their time working together, despite her friendly wave last night. As much as the butterflies would erupt in his stomach when Lily walked into a room, he was tired of the constant fights. James felt as if he could rescue a dying unicorn fowl in front of her and she would scoff and stomp away. 

He wanted nothing more to vent his frustrations about Lily, but he held it back, even from Sirius. James had sworn to himself that he was going to get over Evans and the most logical way to do that was to stop indulging himself in talks about her. 

Sirius swung his legs over and planted his feet on the ground across from James. He brushed a strand of his long, black hair behind his ear before sighing and looking at James. 

“I can’t believe this is going to be our last year here,” he said. 

“I know,” James replied. 

“We gotta think of big pranks. Leave with a bang.”

“Nothing too bad. Something light-hearted,” James added. “We’ll be joining the war after we finish. I don’t want our last few weeks of childhood to be filled with the guilt of a nasty prank.”

“You’re right,” Sirius agreed, nodding. 

“Do you think we could do something with the giant squid?”

* * *

James would never get tried of dinners at the Great Hall. The food was always amazing, for one. But all the people that surrounded him was what made it feel special. Having been an only child, this is what he imagined having a house filled with siblings would be like. Loud, so full of life. James would miss this the most. 

“Listen, the Cannons are the best team, hands down,” Sirius said, looking at Mary. 

“How can you honestly say that when they haven’t won a game in three years?” she fired back, her eyes wide with annoyance. 

“It’s about the spirit the team has!” Sirius exclaimed from next to James.

“The Irish team constantly wins!” Mary replied, leaning forward with her elbows on the table. 

“You’re both wrong,” James interrupted. “I think that Scotland has the best tactics.”

“Oh, shut it!” Sirius said, elbowing him in the ribs lightly. 

“Guys, can we argue about something else? I feel like we’ve had this conversation a million times,” Remus said, though he looked unbothered. 

“I’m done with this conversation too,” Mary said, leaning back. 

Sirius huffed but didn’t say anything. He loved ruffling feathers, but he had learned the hard way about pushing Mary. 

“Did anyone understand the Transfiguration assignment?” Alice asked, taking advantage of the subject change. Her forehead creased as she stared down at her textbook lying open in front of her. 

“I’ll help you after the meeting, Alice,” Remus replied. Alice smiled and closed the book, grateful that her night wouldn't be plagued with frustration. 

James was just about to push away from the table when a sharp tap touched his shoulder. He turned to see Lily standing behind him, her face as serious as ever. James fought the urge to smile at her, knowing that if she was about to chew him out for something smiling would make it worse for him.

“We need to have a meeting before the other perfects arrive,” she said, her green eyes staring at James with indifference. 

“Okay. Now?” James replied. 

“Yes, now,” she said. She started walking away, leaving James to scramble to get up and follow her. 

James followed her out of the Great Hall and chased her up the steps. 

“How was your first day?” James asked, slipping his hands into his pocket as he finally caught up to her. 

“It was fine. Got a lot of homework,” she replied. 

“Same. I’m not looking forward to what work Potions is going to bring us tomorrow,” he replied. 

“I doubt Potions will be too bad,” Lily said, slipping her long hair over her shoulder. 

“Yeah, for you,” James said. Lily laughed a little. 

They finished their walk to the Prefect room in silence. James jogged ahead and held the door open for Lily, to which she gave a quiet thank you. She set her bag down at the table and began rifling through it. 

“So I made a schedule for the patrols and the areas they need to cover. I figured you should look it over and see if you agree with the placements,” Lily said, producing a piece of parchment and handing it over to James.

James looked it over, only finding one flaw with it. 

“I don’t mean ruffle any feathers here, but I think it would be best if we keep the Slytherins out of the Hufflepuff area,” James replied, handing the parchment back to Lily. Lily stared at him in confusion before looking back down at the paper. 

“Why would you be ruffling feathers?” Lily replied. 

James sighed. He didn’t want to upset Lily by pointing out that Snape and his Death Eater friends shouldn’t be sniffing around the house with the largest muggleborn population. 

“I just think it’s for the best,” James replied evenly. Lily stared at James for a second before grabbing a quill and marking things out. 

“I understand. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that,” Lily said, frowning. 

James didn’t say anything in reply. He leaned up against the table and ran a hand through his hair. He stared at Lily, who was quickly writing down changes to the schedule beside him. He didn’t say anything but instead tried to fight the feeling of fondness in his chest. 

Lily looked up at him and smiled a little. 

“I’m sorry for what happened on the train,” she said, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

James returned the smile. 

“It’s okay. I haven’t always been the best student,” he said. “I was shocked, too.”

Lily looked away and took out her wand, vanishing the incorrect schedule off the parchment before going and placing the new one on the bulletin board by the door. 

Remus walked in. He smiled at Lily before coming and standing next to James. 

“Something has gotten into Sirius,” Remus said, sighing. James raised an eyebrow. 

“Why do you say that?” James asked. 

“He took my shirt and was wearing it under his robes all day,” he said, his voice colored with confusion. “It’s not like he doesn’t have his own clothes.”

James bit his lip, fighting a smile. 

“He must like yours better,” James said, keeping his smile at bay. James would be an idiot if he didn’t know exactly what his two friends were going through. 

More prefects came in. Lily went around, greeting all of them as they came in, and Remus had to nudge James to start doing the same. James got up and started making rounds, formally introducing himself to the other house prefects even though he knew he’d interacted with them in one way or another before. 

When the Slytherins walked in, it was as if all of the air was sucked out of the room. James watched Snape’s beady little eyes scan the room and land on Lily. She did not look at him. 

James excused himself from the Hufflepuffs he was talking to and went to stand next to Lily. He knew that he was trying to give Lily space, but James couldn’t fight the urge to be near her when Snape was around, mostly because he knew how much he had hurt her. It was a way of giving support to her. 

Once James had introduced himself to the group of Ravenclaws, Lily decided it was time to start the meeting. She pulled James’s sleeve, making sure he knew that he had to have a part in this too. 

“Alright, everyone!” Lily announced, her voice silencing everyone. “I’m Lily Evans, and I’m Head Girl this year.”

It took James a second to realize Lily wanted him to say the same thing. 

“Uh, sorry,” he began. “I’m James Potter, and I’m Head Boy.”

James ignored the look Snape was giving him.

Lily started her speech, talking about the integrity of the position of prefect. She outlined the goals and duties of the job. James had to smile at the way she spoke passionately about taking care of all the students.  
“And if we found out there has been any abuse of power, I’ll personally make sure that you’ll lose your position, if not get expelled. Got it?” Lily said. 

“If you have any questions, we’ll be here for a little while. If not, please start your assigned patrols. Thanks, everyone,” James finished. 

Most of the people left the room, eager to start their patrols for the night. James talked to a few of the prefects who had questions about their patrols and some protocols. He answered them with a smile and made sure they felt confident as they headed out. Once they left, James looked at Remus, who was giving him a look. His eye flicked in the direction behind James.

James turned around to Snape cornering Lily. She seemed to be shrinking, and her eyes had a glassy look about them. Lily’s eyes met James’s, and he was walking over there without a second thought. 

“Everything alright here?” James asked, raising his voice slightly as he stood to the left of Lily. 

Snape swung his head towards James, sneering. Lily quietly took a step towards James.

“We’re fine, Potter. This doesn’t concern you,” he hissed. James kept his face neutral, knowing that Snape would want a rise out of him. 

“If it’s about your prefect duties, then it does concern me,” James said. “I am Head Boy afterall.”

Snape scoffed and turned towards James. James fought the urge to draw his wand. 

“Yeah. I can’t believe they’re letting all this filth take care of business here at Hogwarts,” Snape spat back.

James heard Lily take a sharp breath from next to him, and James held back the fire that was flaring inside of him. Snape turned and looked at Lily, his face slightly apologetic, but James stepped in front of her, making Snape take a step back. Remus drew his wand and kept it at his side as he assessed the situation.

“Yeah, it’s a real shame you got put in this position of power,” James said, staring into Snape’s beady eyes. “Now leave.”

“I want to talk to Lily alone,” Snape argued. 

Lily stepped forward, lightly touching James’s arm as she stood beside him. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” she said. Her voice was quiet, but firm. 

Snape looked at Lily one last time before turning around and striding out of the room while his robes trailed behind him. It wasn’t until the door closed behind him that James turned and looked at Lily.

“Lil, are you alright?” James asked, touching her shoulder lightly. She had tears in her eyes, but she nodded before wiping them away with the sleeve of her robe. 

“Thank you, James, Remus,” she said weakly. 

“It’s no problem. Can I walk you back to the common room? We don’t have patrols until tomorrow,” James asked. He didn’t feel like letting Lily walk to the common room alone, especially since Snape had patrols tonight and she had tears in her eyes. . 

She nodded. James grabbed her things, expecting her protest, but she didn’t say anything. Remus came and stood on her other side as they filed out of the prefect room and into the hallway. 

The walk was quiet but quick, and soon they found themselves in the Common Room, which was buzzing with life as always. Sirius and Mary were playing Wizard Chess in the corner as Alice watched them in the recliner beside the table, her transfiguration book open in her lap.

James handed Lily her bag, and she took it with a half smile. 

“Thank you,” she said. 

“No problem,” he said. James watched her climb up the stairs to the room.

When she got to the top, she turned and looked at James. She waved at him, which James returned, before turning around and making her way to her dorm. 

James looked at Remus who was watching him curiously. 

“What, Moony?” James asked. 

“Nothing,” he said, before turning away and walking towards Alice.


	3. and there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious haze about you, dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily's POV. Potions class and the Slug Club.

_and there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear_  
~lover, taylor swift

* * *

Weeks passed without incident. Lily was pleasantly surprised to find that the Marauders hadn’t executed any pranks yet, but she wasn’t holding her breath. She was sure that one was coming—she just hoped that it wouldn’t be too bad.

Lily was also pleasantly surprised by James and the way that he fit into his role as Head Boy. He was stern but fair, and the prefects had all taken a shine to him, aside from the Slytherins, which was to be expected.

Seventh year was going surprisingly well for Lily—her friends were great as always, Snape hadn’t accosted her aside from the time at the prefect’s meeting, and so far, Gryffindor had sustained no major points loss, which was a huge step up from last year when the Marauders had managed to dye Flitwick’s beard purple and he’d taken away two hundred and fifty points each.

Yes, Lily felt like she was on top of the world, and that feeling continued as she walked into Potions with Slughorn that Thursday morning with her friends by her side.

“I’m just so nervous about brewing this potion,” Alice said.

Lily nudged her friend with her shoulder playfully. “Don’t worry, Alice. With me by your side, there’s no way that we’ll mess it up.” Lily’s prowess with potions was well known throughout the school and only rivaled by Snape’s, not that he was gossiped about as much as Lily. When they worked together, as they often used to do, they were unstoppable. For a moment, Lily felt a twinge of regret. She bet that Snape was looking forward to brewing this potion as much as she was—the Draught of Living Death. Even the name sent shivers down her spine.

“Aw, man,” Mary said. “Why does Alice get Lily?”

“You had me two weeks ago,” Lily reminded her as Doe shook her head, laughing.

“Am I that bad to be stuck with, Mary?” Doe asked. Mary made a face, causing Lily and Alice to burst into laughter while Doe looked offended. The girls sat down at two of the tables, one in front of the other. Lily and Alice turned around in their seats to talk with the other two girls as Slughorn busied about at the front of the classroom and other students filed into the room. Lily noticed that Remus and Peter were already settled at a table a few spots behind her own, but James and Sirius were nowhere to be found.

Slughorn cleared his throat, drawing Lily’s attention to the front of the room.

“Welcome, class,” he began. “Today—welcome, gentlemen. Glad you could join us.” As one, the class turned to see James and Sirius in the doorway, their robes hanging off of them. James’s hair looked windswept, as if he’d just gotten off of a broom.

“Sorry, Professor, Quidditch ran late,” James said, making his way to the table near Remus and Peter.

“And your excuse, Mr. Black?” Slughorn asked Sirius, who simply shrugged and followed James to the table. Slughorn sighed and turned his attention back to the class as a whole. “Today, we will be brewing the Draught of Living Death. And, as I’ve done in the past, the reward for brewing the best potion will be this.”

Lily perked up at the mention of a reward—perhaps it would be extra credit? Instead, she watched as Slughorn withdrew a small vial from his robes and held it high for the whole class to see. It was a strange color, looking as if it were liquid gold almost. Lily was fascinated by it.

“Felix Felicis,” Slughorn said, staring at it in admiration. “It’s also known as liquid luck. The drinker will have success in everything they attempt for a period of time, but beware—it’s important to take it sparingly, and not all at once, for the side effects can be deadly. It’s a highly advanced potion that I’ve spent the past six months brewing, just as I’ve done every year for quite some time.”

Slughorn continued: “Whichever pair brews the best Draught of the Living Death will receive this potion, and to make things interesting, I’ve decided to assign your partners.”

Groans sounded out across the room. Lily just hoped that she wasn’t paired up with Snape. She risked a glance at him over her shoulder to see him staring intensely at her. She fought a shudder. Wouldn’t that be the worst luck, to reminisce over their old friendship just to be plunged back into it for a stupid project?

_Perhaps I could fake sick,_ Lily thought. She’d never done so before, so it would certainly make it believable. But would Slughorn let her go? That was the question.

Lily tuned back into Slughorn’s voice as he began to call out the pairings.

“Black and Mulciber. Lupin and MacDonald. Pettigrew and Avery. Evans and Potter.” Lily’s eyes bulged at the sound of her name, though Slughorn continued calling out names, oblivious to her near coronary. She whipped around to find James, who seemed as surprised as her. He offered her a sheepish grin and a slight wave. Lily turned back to Alice.

“This can’t be happening,” Lily muttered to her friend.

“At least it’s not Snape,” Alice said. “Or one of his Death Eater friends.” Lily nodded her agreement just as Slughorn called out Alice’s name, pairing her with Snape. Alice winced.

“Sorry,” Lily whispered. Slughorn called for everyone to get started, and Alice slunk out of her seat and over to Snape’s table. Lily fought the urge to look back at her best friend and her ex-best friend. Snape catching her staring at him again would not cause anything good.

James dropped his bag onto the table beside Lily, making her jump. He laughed.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” he told her. Lily tried to smile at him, but it came out as more of a grimace. She shook her head like an etch-a-sketch.

“Let’s just get started,” Lily said. Time passed. James got the ingredients they needed, chopped and sliced things when asked, and overall stayed out of her way, aside from looking over her shoulder as she stirred the potion.

Slughorn came up to them about halfway through the class and examined their progress. Lily prayed that the color of the potion was correct, even as she continued to boil it.

“Excellent work, Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter,” Slughorn said, nodding at them both. Lily swelled with pride. “I imagine that I’ll see you both tomorrow night, at our first Slug Club meeting?”

Lily nodded quickly. “Of course, Professor.”

“I’ll be there,” James said nonchalantly. Lily kicked him in the shin. Slughorn simply laughed before moving on to the next group. Lily fought a groan. How did James always manage to treat everything so coolly and flippantly and never get in trouble? Lily growled and stirred the potion with a little more force than necessary.

“What’s up, Evans?” James asked.

Lily shook her head. She didn’t want to talk about it, wasn’t sure that she could put into words what she was feeling without starting another argument. James was James, and he got away with stuff that Lily could never dream of getting away with—that’s just how it was. At least she was Slughorn’s favorite. Probably McGonagall’s, too.

“You’re going to Slug Club?” Lily asked instead.

“Of course,” James said. “If there’s a party, I’ll be there.”

Lily scoffed. “It’s not a party.”

“But there’s alcohol,” James pointed out. Lily remained silent. She hardly considered wine to be the type of alcohol that James was interested in.

Slughorn called for the end of class and declared Lily’s—and James’s, by default—potion to be the winner. Lily beamed as he walked over and handed her the Felix Felicis.

“Use it carefully,” he told her, a twinkle in his eye. It was almost as if he expected her to have some sort of secret plan, but that was ridiculous.

Lily turned to James after class was over and held the potion between them.

“I suppose we should figure out how to split it,” Lily said, eyeing the molten gold potion in her hand. James reached out and closed her fingers around it, his hand engulfing hers.

“No,” he said. “You keep it. You’re the one who earned it.”

Lily blinked in surprise. “You don’t want it? Surely you could pull off several good pranks with it.”

James shrugged. “I’m sure, but I’m also sure that I don’t need it to pull off pranks.”

Lily eyed him. “Don’t think I’ll go easy on you when the time comes.”

“I’m counting on it,” James said, smirking. Lily sighed and put the potion carefully in her bag.

“Lily! Come on! I’m starving!” Mary called. Lily looked up to see Mary, Alice, and Doe standing in the doorway. Lily glanced back at James and gave him a small wave before walking towards her friends.

* * *

Lily put on the nicest dress she had, smoothing the filmy material over her hips. From her bed, Mary sighed.

“You always look so good in everything,” she grumbled. Alice, who was lying beside Mary, laughed and nudged her friend. On the other side of Mary, Doe continued reading her book.

“What’s the Slug Club like, Lily?” Alice asked. The three girls weren’t a part of the club, which Lily found to be utterly disappointing. She had no one for company at these stupid parties, as they were mostly filled with Slytherins, including Snape.

“Boring,” Lily said. “It’s just a dinner party, and we all sit around the table and pretend like we don’t hate each other.”

“Maybe it won’t be so bad this year,” Doe said, not looking up from her book. “You said that he invited James this year. And there’s that Hufflepuff, right? Oh, what’s his name?”

“Frank Longbottom,” Alice said, with such certainty that Lily stopped fretting at herself in the mirror and turned to look at her friend. Alice blushed bright red at the attention. “What? He’s cute.”

“I’ll put in a good word,” she teased. Alice threw a pillow at the redhead and buried her face in the bed. Lily caught the pillow easily and laughed. She glanced down at her watch and sighed.

“I best be on my way, then,” Lily said. She grabbed a pair of heels and slipped them on before telling her friends goodbye and leaving their shared dormitory. She walked quickly down the stairs, through the Common Room, and stepped out from behind the Fat Lady. Lily started when she saw James standing just outside, in a button-up shirt and slacks, his glasses perched on his nose and a hand buried in his shaggy black hair. He looked up as the portrait opened and gave her a blinding smile.

“Hi, Evans,” James said, and Lily felt her heart skip. Since when had that happened?

“Hi,” Lily said.

“Care to accompany me?” James held out his arm. Lily fought a smile as she slipped her arm through his. He placed his hand atop hers, his palm warm against the back of her hand. They walked through Hogwarts silently, and a comfort slid over Lily. James was comforting, she realized. He had a calming presence on her usually racing mind. It was… nice.

Soon enough, they reached the room where the Slug Club was held. James reached out to the door, only to pause.

“I suppose that I should be honest,” he began, “I have no idea what I’m getting into.”

Lily let out a laugh. “It’s just a dinner, James. Don’t worry about it.”

James stared at her for a moment, long enough that Lily began to squirm underneath his gaze. He seemed to realize what he was doing as a faint blush colored his cheeks, and he gave an awkward cough.

“Shall we?” he said then and pulled the door open. Warm light flooded the hallway as Lily stepped inside, James following closely and closing the door behind them. Slughorn was in the middle of the room, holding court with several Slytherins, including Snape and Sirius’s little brother, Regulus. He turned to look at the newcomers and greeted them in a booming voice.

“Ms. Evans! Mr. Potter! So glad you could join us! Come, sit, sit.” Slughorn motioned at the seats surrounding him. James and Lily shared a glance before they headed for the table. James pulled out a chair for her, and Lily sat in it gratefully. He took the one next to her, leaving the seat on her right open. Lily noticed Snape eyeing it meaningfully, but she could also see the hesitation in his eyes. Whether that was because he didn’t want to push her or because James was sitting next to her, Lily wasn’t sure.

Lily didn’t have to worry about it much longer, for the seat was sliding back and soon the Hufflepuff boy was sitting next to her. Frank Longbottom. He was cute, Lily thought, she could certainly see why Alice liked him. He was a prefect as well, so Lily knew that he was responsible and smart. Perhaps she would do some meddling, see if she couldn’t set the two of them up.

Frank turned to her then, eyes alight. He struck up a conversation about the Slug Club, about how it was his first year. James overheard and was soon leaning over Lily, adding in his own thoughts about the Club. Lily hated to break it to the boys that the Club was dreadfully dull, so she simply let them talk and sat back in her seat.

Soon enough, Slughorn was tapping away at the glass in his hand, bringing the attention of all ten students back to him. “Welcome, everyone, to our first official meeting of the Slug Club. I would like to thank you all for coming, and I would like to say a few words. You were chosen because I see great promise in you. I choose only the best of the best, so be proud of that. I see something in you that you don’t yet see in yourselves, but that is okay because I am here to help guide you and become your best selves.”

Lily always thought that Slughorn’s speech was much more about himself than it was about the students. This was the third year that she’d heard it, and it was still the same—their accomplishments were somehow put on him, as if their success was purely because he made it so. Lily found Slughorn to be a silly, frivolous man, but he was harmless overall. She seriously doubted that he knew the majority of the older Slytherins were Death Eaters or planning to join Voldemort as soon as they graduated. He was oblivious like that.

Lily raised her glass as the other students did, and that was when she caught Snape’s eye from across the table. Apparently, instead of sitting next to her, he decided to sit directly across from her. Lily sighed and downed her drink in one go.

“Evans?” James asked from beside her. Lily shook her head. There was absolutely no need for a fight to break out, and Lily knew that James had a hero complex. Instead, Lily focused on the food in front of her and shoved some of it into her mouth.

The good thing about the Slug Club was that there was no actual meeting. All they did was sit and eat and talk. Lily hurriedly ate her food as it came along—appetizers, main course, dessert—and drank much more wine than she should have. By the time they were finished, Lily was firmly in the area of tipsy.

Slughorn bid them all farewell, and Lily quickly stood up from her seat, wobbling slightly. James reached out to grasp her waist and turned her to face him.

“Alright, Lil?” he asked. Lily wondered when she’d gotten a new nickname. Instead of asking, she hiccuped. “Are you drunk?”

“No,” she said, scandalized, before hiccuping again. James’s eyes were wide. He looked around at the rest of the students who were all also standing up and readying to leave.

“Nice to meet you both,” Frank said, appearing beside them.

“Likewise,” James said, ushering Lily towards the door. “We’ll have to chat more later, Frank. Lily isn’t feeling well.”

“I am so,” Lily said, fighting slightly against his hold on her.

“No, you aren’t,” James hissed in her ear. Lily huffed but allowed James to lead her out of the Slug Club and throughout Hogwarts, back to the Gryffindor Tower and the portrait of the Fat Lady. He practically dragged her inside and looked cagily around the Common Room. It was late at night and only Sirius remained in front of the fireplace, lounging about.

“Hey, Prongs, how was the Club?” Sirius said, lazily tilting his head back. He took note of Lily, and his eyes widened. “Oi, Evans, are you drunk?”

“No!” Lily hiccuped again. She growled under her breath and shook James’s hands off of her. “I am not! I’m going to bed!”

“Don’t fall down the stairs,” James said. He actually sounded concerned, as if he thought that were a real possibility. Lily growled again and flipped him off as she stomped towards the Girls’ Dormitory, though she didn’t turn to look around. Still, as she walked up the stairs to get her bed, Lily found herself carefully watching her feet, lest she fall.


	4. something gave you the nerve to touch my hand

_something gave you the nerve to touch my hand_  
~it’s nice to have a friend, taylor swift

* * *

James stared at Sirius as he spun around in the chair. He had been doing this for at least ten minutes. James wondered how he hadn’t gotten dizzy. 

“We’re behind schedule,” Sirius said for the tenth time that hour.

“Yes, I bloody know we are,” James said. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose but didn’t look up from his book. The Common Room was slightly full, but Sirius had snagged them a private corner to discuss what hijinks they were going to do. Peter still hadn’t shown up, but Sirius had decided to start without him.

“What if we…” Sirius started but then trailed off. James stared after him.

“Maybe we should stop this year,” Remus said. “The war is getting worse. Maybe it would be worth giving the student body a break.”

Sirius stared at Remus, his mouth hanging open like he couldn’t believe the words that had just left Remus’s mouth. 

“It’s our final year!” Sirius began. “And think of the joy our pranks bring!”

“I’m with Padfoot on this one,” James said, pushing up his glasses. “We need to do something. We need to leave our legacy.”

It was just then when Lily Evans approached. James felt his heart skip a beat as she gave him a small smile. She had pinned her hair to the sides today and done something to make her normally straight hair a little curly. 

“Your legacy?” she asked, sliding in besides James. He wanted to ask what brought her over here, but decided to not look a gift horse in the mouth. 

“Yes, Lil,” James said. “The Marauder’s legacy.”

Lily gave a look to all of them, but a more pointed one to James.

“You’re Head Boy, James,” she began. “You cannot be breaking the rules.”

“Ah, Evans. The rules were made to be broken,” Sirius said. 

Lily scoffed. Sirius resumed his spinning. He made one full rotation before his eyes lit up. 

“What if we spike the juice at dinner?” Sirius said. “The elves let us in all the time. We could do it!”

James didn’t like the sound of it, but it was Remus who decided to speak up. 

“It’s probably not wise to mess with people’s food,” he said. 

“Remus has a point,” James said. “What if someone is allergic?”

“Allergic? To alcohol?” he asked, looking at James as if he had grown a second head. 

“That’s a thing, right?” James asked Lily. Lily was smiling but shrugged. 

“What if we charm the alcohol so everyone can drink it?” Sirius said. “Like Muggles do with the fancy dogs!”

Lily started laughing. James had never seen her laugh so hard and it was contagious. Soon, they were all laughing. 

“Sirius, where in Merlin’s name did you learn about that?” Lily asked. Sirius looked unbothered when he looked Lily in the eye. 

“I buy Muggle magazines in the village by James’s house in the summer,” he said. “I saw a piece on a Muggle celebrity who had to get a special dog because they were allergic to normal ones.”

Lily started laughing again. James couldn’t help but watch her, his stomach rolling at the sight of her. 

“Sirius, I doubt there is a spell to make everything hypoallergenic,” Lily said. “It’s a bad idea.”

Sirius grumbled but didn’t press. James ran over things in his brain. 

“We need something light-hearted, fun,” Remus said. 

James felt Lily shift next to him. 

“I have an idea,” she whispered. 

James turned and looked at her, shocked. She was looking down, not meeting any of their eyes, a sly grin on her face. The idea of Lily coming up with one of their pranks was something right out of James’s late night fantasies. Butterflies filled his stomach. 

“Let’s hear it, Evans,” Sirius said, leaning back and looking unbothered by her participation. 

“You want something harmless, right?” she asked. 

“Yep,” Sirius said. 

“And fun?” 

“Get to the meat of it,” Sirius said. 

“What if we turn the Great Hall into an ice skating rink?” Lily said. 

James smiled at the idea, thinking of the people slipping and sliding across the Great Hall. Sirius seemed to mull it over for a minute, biting the inside of his cheek.. 

“We use a simple water charm and then a freezing one,” she said, looking proud of herself. “Then an anti-melting one!”

“We’d have to clear the tables,” Remus pointed out. 

“That’s easy, though,” James countered. “We can just shrink them down and move them. They can be changed back easily enough.”

It fell quiet. James looked at Sirius, watching the gears turning as he assessed the plan that had been laid out before him. James wanted to accept it instantly, more so based on how excited Lily was, but Sirius had to have the final say so.

“Do you think we can make it snow too?” Sirius asked. James knew he was in.

* * *

It was about two in the morning when James, Sirius, and Remus snuck down to the Common Room. Peter didn’t want to take part in the prank, citing tiredness. 

James had the cloak swung over his shoulder while Remus looked down at the map. Lily was by the couch wearing an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, her hair up in a messy bun. James loved the sleepy look in her eyes, but he was determined not to spend too long looking at her. 

Sirius smiled at her. 

“Ready to see how the Marauders do their magic?” he asked.

“Yeah, I am actually,” she replied, eyeing the cloak on James’s shoulder.

James handed Sirius the cloak. 

“Lily and I are allowed to be out this late. I changed the schedule saying we had patrol,” James said, taking charge. “Sirius, Remus, you guys use the cloak. Lily and I will have the map, so follow us.”

James tossed the cloak to Sirius who caught it and unfolded it before throwing it over his head. He held an arm out for Remus, who got under the cloak with a sigh. Lily was staring at the spot they used to be at. 

“You have an Invisibility Cloak?” she asked, disbelief coloring her voice. 

“Yeah,” James replied, a smirk appearing on his face. “A family heirloom.”

“That makes a lot of sense,” she replied, shaking her head. “What’s the map?”

James showed her the Marauders Map, which she quickly grabbed out of James’s hands. 

“How in the world did you guys do this?” she asked, watching Filch’s feet move across the dungeons. 

“We spent most of third year perfecting it. I think Remus had the idea, right?” James asked, turning his head towards where he thought Sirius and Remus might be. 

“Yeah. It was a bloody good job. Still can’t believe we pulled it off,” Sirius said from James’s left. 

Lily looked up at James, her expression awed. She caught his eye, and James’s breath caught in his throat. Her tired green eyes were doing things to him that he didn’t have time to think about. 

“Prongs here was able to do the charms though,” Sirius whispered, making James tear his eyes away from Lily’s. 

“Let’s go, everyone,” James said, feeling heat in his cheeks start to appear. 

Lily took control of the map, letting them know if anyone was approaching. There was almost an incident with Mrs. Norris, but Lily quickly managed to find a spot where the cat didn’t see them as she walked past. 

Once they were in the Great Hall, James locked the doors while Sirius and Remus cast a silencing spell around the room, making sure they could work in peace. James noticed how beautiful the ceiling of the hall looked—there were millions of stars visible, no clouds. The crescent moon shone brightly, casting a white glow to the room.

“Okay,” James started. “Sirius and Remus, start shrinking the tables. I want the tiny versions sat by Dumbldore’s seat in the front.”

Sirius and Remus made quick work of their task, making the four long tables shrink into dollhouse furniture. Sirius ran up the hall and up the couple of steps that elevated the head table. James, Remus, and Lily followed, not wanting to get their feet wet.

All four of them started flooding the ground, water spurting out the ends of their wands with high pressure. Once they got it high enough, Lily cast a freezing charm. James tried to not be in awe of how quickly the water froze under her expert hand. 

“Okay, we need to test the thickness,” Lily said. Sirius clapped James on the shoulder as they stood by the head table. 

“Prongs, our fearless leader, I think this honor goes to you,” he said. 

James sighed. He gently took a step down. The ice didn’t crack under his weight. James turned around to give his friends the thumbs up when he lost his footing and fell. 

“James!” Lily yelled, taking a few steps towards him. James erupted in laughter, which gave Sirius and Remus the go ahead to let out the laughs they had been holding in. 

Despite the slight pain in his back, James thought it was hilarious. 

“I think your charm worked great, Lil!” James called to Lily. James watched as she smiled back, her concerned expression gone. James carefully got up, almost falling again.

James had looked up weather charms and slipped a piece of parchment to Lily earlier, showing her what he had found. She had noticed a flaw in the charm work and quickly sent the parchment back with a correction. Now, together, they cast the spell, watching small clouds form and begin to sprinkle snow. 

“We did it!” Sirius yelled. 

“We should have brought our skates,” Lily said. “So we could have experienced it first.” 

James didn’t like the disappointment in her voice, so he turned to her. 

“It’s a good thing, then,” James started, “that you are working with some excellent Transfiguration students.” 

Lily’s eyes brightened as she took off her shoes. James cast a spell, turning them into a pair of shiny ice skates. Remus and Sirius did the same. 

James watched as his friends started on to skate along the ice. None of them were exactly graceful, but they all continued standing. Lily spun around so fast, her hair fell loose from her bun, and James' heart did flips at the sight. 

His plan to get over Evans was dissolving in front of him, and James was surprised to find that he didn’t care. He wasn’t ready to be over her. 

“Prongs! Get out here!” Remus yelled as he and Sirius glided around. 

James sighed, now realizing he was trapped in the Great Hall with a sea of ice between him. He probably should have told them earlier that he had no idea how to skate. 

“Come on!” Lily yelled, her cheeks turning pink with the cold. 

Jame opened his mouth to say something, but Sirius interrupted him. 

“I don’t think Prongs knows how to skate!” he said. James considered arguing but knew that it would be fruitless. 

“Alright, I don’t know how,” James admitted. Lily approached him, sliding to a stop right in front of the steps in which James was standing. 

“We’ll give you a crash course,” Lily said.

James sighed. He had already made a buffoon of himself by falling earlier, and he doubted that Lily would be impressed by him, even if he was graceful. He kicked off his shoes and turned them into skates before carefully placing them back on. 

Lily reached out a hand. James placed his own in hers, surprised that it was still warm. She gripped it tightly as James carefully stepped down.

He almost fell, but Lily steadied him. James gave her his other hand, and she showed him how to find his balance. 

“It’s kind of like a broomstick,” Lily said. 

“It is nothing like a broomstick,” James replied. Lily laughed. 

“Okay, maybe you’re right,” she conceded. “I’m going to show you how to move.”

Lily showed him how he could start gliding across the ice. James was surprised that it was easier than he thought. He didn’t let go of Lily’s hand even though he found he didn’t need it after a minute. Lily didn’t seem to mind that much and that set James’s mind spinning. 

They skated for about an hour before everyone started yawning. They grabbed the cloak and map. Lily cast an anti-melting charm before they closed the doors. They made their way back up to the tower with no threat of Filch, Mrs. Norris, or a nosey ghost. 

Once in the common room, Lily went to hand him the map but hesitated. 

“Can I look at this later?” she asked. James thought for a moment while Sirius and Remus started up the stairs. 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” James replied. “Don’t let anyone see it though. It’s a Marauder’s secret.”

Lily smiled and nodded. 

“Tonight was really fun,” Lily said, looking into James’s eyes. 

“You’re lucky I don’t report you, Head Girl,” James teased. Lily chuckled and rolled her eyes. 

“I’ll see you in the morning,” she said, turning around. James watched her head up the stairs and sighed when she was out of view.

He headed up to his own dorm and quietly slipped in. He changed back into his pajamas and got into bed. He heard Sirius move from the bed beside him. 

“How are you doing, Prongs?” he asked. 

James took a second to respond. 

“I’m so completely fucked for her.”


	5. i'm so sick of running as fast as i can

_i’m so sick of running as fast as i can_  
~the man, taylor swift

* * *

The past couple of weeks had been strange for Lily after she’d helped the Marauders come up with their first prank of the year. She still wasn’t quite sure what had come over her—turn the Great Hall into a skating rink? What had she been thinking? But then she thought about James’s smile and his hand in hers as they’d skated around on the ice, and she decided that thinking was hard and she didn’t want to do it any longer.

When she’d told Alice, Mary, and Doe about her part in the prank, they’d all exchanged smug looks with each other. Lily crossed her arms across her chest and glared at her friends.

“What?” she demanded.

Doe looked down at her shoes, while Mary whistled innocently. Alice was the only one brave enough to voice what she was thinking.

“You just seem to…” Alice paused, grasping for words. “You and James…”

Lily laughed, albeit an awkward, forced laugh. “What about James and I? We’re friends, I suppose.”

“Yeah, friends,” Mary said, snorting under her breath. Doe laughed. Lily glared. And that was that on that conversation.

Lily walked the halls, wand in hand, as she completed her patrols for the night. It was after curfew but before midnight, and Lily found herself yawning, her eyes wanting to close. She had stayed up late last night working on a paper for Professor Binns, and her lack of sleep was beginning to catch up to her.

Reaching the end of the corridor, Lily paused and leaned against the wall. She let her head fall back against the cold stone and shut her eyes for a moment. Just a moment.

Then, a hissed whisper. “Snape!”

Lily’s eyes shot open. She shrank back into the shadows and listened as there were footsteps around the corner that she was about to turn into.

“Snape! What are you doing?”

“My patrols!” Snape’s voice was like the crack of a whip in the quiet. Lily sucked in a breath. She hadn’t realized that she’d scheduled him at the same time as her.

“We were supposed to meet half an hour ago!” The voice snapped. It was male, and it sounded familiar. Lily was tempted to poke her head around the corner to put a face to the voice, but she wasn’t sure that she wanted to be caught eavesdropping, even if she was the Head Girl.

“I can’t skip my patrols,” Snape said.

“More like you wanted a chance to run into the mudblood.” This was a different voice, a female. Lily’s blood boiled at the use of the slur, but her cheeks heated in shame.

“Whatever.” Lily could picture the sneer on Snape’s face. “What did I miss?”

“It’s not whatever, Severus,” the male said, his voice suddenly serious. “Lord Voldemort wants to make sure that you’re dedicated to the cause, and you missing meetings doesn’t instill confidence.”

There was a deep intake of breath. “I am dedicated to my master, as much so as you,” Snape said.

“Then prove it,” the female hissed.

“I will,” Snape said. “Now, leave, before I give the both of you detention. It was foolish of you to come seek me out when anybody could stumble upon us.”

“The Dark Lord wishes to speak with you,” the male said. “Come with us.”

Snape sighed. “Of course.”

Lily stood as still as possible as Snape and the others walked away. Once she was certain they were gone, she slid to the ground and put her head between her knees.

It wasn’t happening; she couldn’t believe that it was happening. She’d heard the rumors of Death Eaters in Hogwarts, but she’d just assumed that they were students who were bigoted and prejudiced. She didn’t think that they were actually members of Voldemort’s band. But it seemed that they were, and Snape was a part of it, too.

For a moment, Lily wondered if there was something that she could have done. If only she had been kinder, tried harder…. But no. There was no use in blaming herself for Snape’s choices.

Shakily, Lily got to her feet. She finished her rounds in a daze and hurried back to the Common Room, wondering what she should do. She hadn’t seen the other two students with Snape, so she didn’t know who all was with Voldemort. And she’d only heard them talking about a meeting—that was nothing concrete. She couldn’t very well go to McGonagall or Dumbledore and say that these students might be planning something. Lily wanted to scream.

She climbed through the Fat Lady’s portrait, caught up in her own musings. A piece of paper hit her square in the forehead. She glanced up, affronted. Sirius lay upside down on the couch in front of the fireplace, his hand still outstretched. He smirked at her.

“Sorry, Evans,” he called cheerfully. Lily looked around. The Common Room was empty except for the Marauders, who were all gathered around the fireplace. Lily shook her head and made her way through the space, intent on going to bed.

“Something wrong, Lily?” James’s voice cut through the whirling tornado that was her mind. Lily paused and turned back towards the boys. She glanced up at the stairway that led to her dorm, but shook her head. She marched towards James and his friends and sat in the empty chair besides Remus.

“I need help,” Lily said. Immediately, all four boys straightened up from their lounging positions.

“What’s wrong, Evans?” Sirius asked.

Lily took a breath and then explained what had happened while she was on her patrols and what she had heard. It didn’t take long, as she hadn’t heard much, but it was a welcome feeling to get her worries off of her chest.

“I just don’t know what to do,” Lily finished. “Should I go to McGonagall?”

“With what evidence?” Peter asked. “I believe you, Lily, but it’s just something that you heard. The Slytherins could easily deny it.”

“Wormtail makes a valid point,” Sirius said.

“But I have to do something! There are Death Eaters at Hogwarts!” Lily said, voice hushed. It was strange to say such things aloud, but she knew in her gut that it was true. “Who knows what they could be planning? What if it’s something that could hurt students?”

“It’s nothing you need to concern yourself with, Lil,” James said.

Lily cocked her head. “I beg your pardon?”

“We’ll handle it,” James said, looking to Sirius who nodded his head.

“And how exactly are you going to handle it? Like you did in fifth year, by casting some nasty hexes? James, these are Death Eaters. Surely, Voldemort has taught them a trick or two. We need a teacher,” Lily said firmly.

“Peter is right,” Remus said, speaking up for the first time. “You don’t have enough evidence.”

“So, my word isn’t good enough?” Lily demanded.

“You don’t even know who two of the students were,” Sirius pointed out.

“If you go to McGonagall, it’ll just tip them off. Let us handle it,” James said.

Lily stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. “Let you handle it? I’m just supposed to trust you on this?” Lily scoffed. “You are the most arrogant boy I’ve ever met, James Potter.”

“Maybe,” James said, standing up as well. “But I know what I can handle. You just need to step back.”

Lily saw red. “And you’re telling me this because I’m, what? A girl? A muggleborn?”

“What? Lily, no—”

“Alright, Potter,” Lily cut him off. “I’ll let you try to ‘handle it.’ But if you can’t, then I’ll confront Snape myself.” Lily turned on her heel and headed up the stairs to the girls’ dormitories.


	6. were there clues i didn't see?

_were there clues i didn't see?_  
~invisible string, taylor swift

* * *

James tried talking to Lily, but she gave him the cold shoulder and refused to speak to him. He felt like he had been kicked in the gut—all the progress he had made this year had evaporated.

James knew Lily could handle her own, but he didn’t want her to paint a larger target on her back. He was already scared enough when she mentioned Snape was involved. She could already be a target with him at the helm. 

Remus was checking the map constantly, writing down names that appeared with Snape most often. James changed the patrol schedules so that no muggleborns would be roaming the castle with any Slytherin prefects. 

Sirius had been slinking around, trying to get into contact with his brother. Despite the company Regulus kept, Sirius was firm in his belief that he wasn’t a lost cause. Peter wasn’t doing much of anything to help, citing that NEWTs were making him more nervous than anything, but he would look over Remus’s shoulder from time to time and check the list. 

Sirius sighed and put his head down on the desk. 

“Why schedule Charms this early in the morning?” Sirius asked. 

“It’s ten,” Remus said from behind James. “If you go to bed at a normal time, it won’t seem so early.”

Sirius raised a hand and waved him off. James laughed a little. 

“What were you doing up so late, Pads?” James asked. 

“Dreaming of a way to graduate early,” he replied, his voice muffled by the desk and his arms. 

James lightly slapped the back of his head which caused Sirius to snap up and push James out of his seat. James landed with a thud in the walkway and laughed. 

“Excuse me.” Lily’s voice was frosty. James froze for a second and looked behind him to see Lily staring down at him as if he were mud on her nice shoes. 

“Sorry, Evans,” James replied, scrambling up. Once he had stood up, she walked past him and sat down a few seats in front of him, giving him a glare. 

James tugged on his hair and sighed heavily. “She hates me. Again.”

“No, she just thinks that we think she can’t take care of herself,” Remus said. 

“I’m not wrong, though?” James said, turning around to face him. “It’s getting bloody dangerous, and she doesn’t need to be confronting potential Death Eaters.”

“You know we agree,” Sirius said. “But maybe instead of letting us handle it all, we do it together. Involve her. She’s a powerful witch.”

James spun and glared at Sirius. “I know she is. But it’s too dangerous.”

“We can protect her that way, too,” Sirius said, piercing blue eyes meeting serious hazel. James went to reply but was cut off by Flitwick’s high pitched voice. 

“Today, we will finally be conjuring Patronus charms! Everyone up!” he announced.

Everyone took a moment to stand up before Flitwick moved all the desks to the side of the room with a swish of his wand. 

“We all know the theory, the incantation, and the wand movement, but a Patronus is still quite a bit of powerful magic. I don’t expect anyone to get more than a wisp today, but hopefully, at least some of you will be able to cast a fully corporeal Patronus,” Flitwick said. “Everyone make space and start casting!”

James looked at Sirius, feeling a bit smug. The two of them could already cast one. It was easy after becoming animagi. Remus, on the other hand, had never even tried. 

Sirius didn’t even hesitate. He cast the spell and smiled as the room gasped at the dog that burst out of the end of his wand. 

“Mr. Black! Well done!” Flitwick called as Sirius’s dog began to run around the room. 

“Your turn, Prongs,” Sirius said, smiling. 

James smiled and gripped his wand more tightly in his hand. 

James thought about a lot of memories when he cast a Patronous. He was lucky to have many happy moments in his life, sometimes others feeling stronger than the rest. On this day though, he only thought of Lily Evans extending her hand to him to help keep him steady on the ice.

“Expecto Patronum!” James said. 

A stag emerged from James’s wand, joining Sirius’s dog in running around the room. James never got tired of seeing his stag with his own eyes. He always wondered if that was what he looked like when he shifted. Large, more powerful than he had ever felt. 

They received praises and Remus told them to stop showing off, so they let their animals dissipate into a mist. 

No one else was able to come close, except for Remus, whose own started to form but he stopped before an animal came out. James watched Lily from the corner of his eye, who was producing a lot of mist but nothing really forming. 

James didn’t miss the glare she shot at him and Sirius.

* * *

James was not looking forward to his patrol with Lily tonight, knowing he was going to get nothing but stony silence from the redhead. James was standing by the Fat Lady when Lily appeared. 

“Let’s go,” she said. 

He followed her in silence that weighed a ton. James couldn’t stand it. 

“I don’t think you aren’t capable of handling yourself out there,” James began. 

“Really? Could have fooled me,” she said. 

“I’m just scared, Evans,” he said. “I’m scared for you and every person in this castle.”

Lily glanced at him. “You’re a pureblood, Potter. Why are you scared?”

James scoffed. “I’m a blood traitor, Evans. The Potter’s have been for the past few decades. They don’t necessarily want to spill my blood, but they will.”

There was silence as they kept walking. 

“I just don’t want to make yourself a large target. Muggleborns are going missing everyday according to the Prophet. I just don’t want to lose you, Lily. And if that means I have to be the one to stick my neck out and rat on them, then I will.”

Lily stopped walking and James took a step before turning around to face her. Lily’s eyes were glassy. 

“James,” she whispered. “Thank you. But I don’t want to be left out of this. This is my fight. I’m the one that they hate. I need to help. I need to fight. I can’t sit on the sidelines for this.”

James ran a hand through his hair and sighed. 

“Then, together, okay. You aren’t alone. We’ll go to Minnie together. We’ll confront Snape together,” he said. 

Lily closed her eyes and nodded. 

“I promise I won’t hex him until you give me the go ahead,” James added.

Despite the moment, Lily laughed. “Alright, deal.”

They continued their patrol, finding easy conversation once again. 

“How do you and Sirius know how to conjure a Patronus?” Lily asked. 

“I dunno. We were bored once,” James lied. Lily scoffed. She was the master of charms in their year, and James realized she must be driven a little crazy about not being the first one to cast a Patronus. 

“It’s easy once you do it,” James said. James took out his wand, thought of Lily laughing at his sarcasm, and cast his stag, which lit up the hallway. 

“Is that why they call you Prongs?” she asked, staring ahead at the deer, 

“Uh, kind of, yeah.”

Lily hummed as his Patronus circled her in his run. James felt his face heat up a little, thankful Lily watched it instead of him. 

She pulled out her wand. 

“Expecto Patronum!” Lily called. Lots of mist came out the end of her wand, but nothing else. 

“I think it’s your memory,” James said. “It’s not quite strong enough.”

Lily huffed in frustration and threw a lock of her red hair over her shoulder. 

“What do you think of then?” she asked. 

“That is a very personal question,” James said, looking at her. She threw her hands up. 

“I need some direction here,” she replied. 

James took a second to think, not willing to say that she was the reason he was able to cast a Patronus. 

“It changes,” James started. “Sometimes it’s about my parents and memories from childhood, or like the first time I scored a goal on the Gryffindor team. Other times, it’s moments I’ve had with Sirius and the others. Just whatever feels the most powerful in the moment.”

Lily took a second and thought. She tried once, but there was nothing but mist. But her second try exploded out of her wand and shot off before they could make out what it was. 

James squinted as it ran towards his Patronus. It wasn’t until they circled each other that James realized. 

It was a doe, smaller than his own stag, but not any less proud and powerful. It was graceful as it circled James’s stag. It shot off quickly down the hallway again, almost like it was trying to play with the stag. James’s Patronus chased after it until he stopped casting it, making it disappear in a cloud of mist. 

Lily’s doe disappeared into mist as well and silence fell between them. 

James’s mind was spinning wildly. Their Patronuses matched. Perfectly. 

James looked at Lily, whose whole face was redder than her hair. She was staring at the spot their animals used to be, mouth slightly open. 

“So,” James said. “ I guess you have it now.”


	7. you're the kind of reckless that should send me running

_you’re the kind of reckless that should send me running_  
~sparks fly, taylor swift

* * *

Lily was a Gryffindor. She’d known it from the moment she’d first heard about the four different houses, had felt it in her bones. She was smart, yes, but she knew in her heart that she was a Gryffindor through and through. 

But after the incident with James and the Patronus, Lily didn’t act like a Gryffindor, facing her problems head on. Instead, she avoided James like the dragon pox. She woke up early for breakfast, skipped lunch, and waited until the last possible minute for dinner before she darted in and grabbed something. She never scheduled them together for patrols. She sat on the opposite side of the classroom in their shared classes. And any other time, whenever he entered a room, she suddenly found an excuse to leave.

Lily couldn’t say that she was proud of her behavior, but she was more afraid of what James would do if they found a moment alone together. She’d seen the glint in his eyes when they’d recognized her Patronus. He wanted to talk—about _feelings_ —and Lily did not want that at all.

Of course, her friends picked up on that and forced Lily to divulge all of her secrets. When she’d finished describing the way her and James’s Patronuses had circled each other, Doe let out a maddening squeal.

“It’s so romantic!” she said, clapping her hands together excitedly.

Lily turned red. “What are you on about? I-it was nothing.”

“If it was nothing, then why are you avoiding James?” Mary asked, raising an eyebrow. Lily turned redder, stammered out an excuse about patrols, and hurried away.

Now, she stood outside of the Great Hall after curfew, waiting for Remus to join her so they could begin their patrols. Lily checked her watch—10:07 PM. It wasn’t like Remus to be late. Lily was debating starting the patrol on her own when she heard footsteps pounding down the hallway. She looked up, a wry smile on her face.

“What took you so long?” she teased as the boy rounded the corner. But when she saw a head of black hair rather than blond and those familiar black-framed glasses, Lily’s smile dropped. James slowed to a stop in front of her, bent over with his hands on his knees and breathing heavy.

“S-sorry, Evans,” he said between puffs of air. “I just managed to convince Moony to switch patrols with me.”

“Why would you do that?” Lily demanded.

James, having caught his breath, stood up to his full height, several inches above her. “You know why.”

Lily chose to ignore that statement and instead turned on her heel and strode off down the hallway. “There’s a rumor that a pack of rowdy fourth years are going to sneak out to the lake tonight. It’s a mix of Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, so we’ll just have to keep our eyes open.”

“Evans,” James called out from behind her. Lily kept walking and talking. “Evans. Lily!”

Lily paused at her name on James’s lips. She didn’t like the shiver that traveled down her spine at the sound of his voice.

“Yes?”

“Can we talk? Please?”

“We’re on patrol, James. This isn’t the time to sit about and have tea.”

“I don’t want to ‘have tea,’” James mocked. “I want to talk to you.”

“Then talk.” Lily set off on her pace once more. James groaned and then jogged to catch up to her.

“I want to know why you’ve been so weird lately,” he said.

Lily sniffed, her nose in the air. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Lily,” James said, putting his hand on her arm to stop her. “You leave the room whenever I enter it; you haven’t put us on patrols at the same time all week. You’re avoiding me.”

“So what if I am?” Lily demanded.

“Is this about the Patronus? It’s not a big deal. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” James said it so earnestly, so honestly, but Lily saw the look in his eyes. He wanted it to mean something, and Lily wasn’t sure what she wanted.

“Just because it doesn’t have to mean something doesn’t mean that it doesn’t mean something,” Lily said softly.

“So it does mean something?”

Lily hated the note of hope in his voice.

“I don’t know,” Lily said. “I don’t know anything, and I hate it.”

“Don’t be daft, Evans. You know everything.” James smiled crookedly at her, and it made Lily’s heart pound faster. She looked away from him, down at the floor, before the blush on her cheeks gave her away.

“Well, then, we’ve talked. Let’s get back to patrols.” Lily made to move once more, but James’s hand was on her arm again. She looked up at him, straight into his hazel eyes. “Yes?”

“Will you go on a date with me?” James spoke the words so quickly that it took Lily a moment to decipher what he’d said. When she did, she felt like her heart had stopped.

“I—” Lily stuttered to form a response. She took a breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them, James’s hopeful smile had faded to an unsure grin. That was what did it. “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”

The grin turned into a triumphant beam. “I’ve got the perfect place.”

* * *

“When you said that you wanted to go on a date, I didn’t imagine that you meant right now,” Lily whispered heatedly, hurrying after James with her hand in his. She fought the butterflies that his touch brought her.

“We caught those kids who were sneaking out to the lake. We’ve done our duty for tonight,” James said.

“We’re not setting a very good example,” Lily argued.

“When have I ever been a good example, Evans?”

“You’re Head Boy. You can’t be pulling stuff like this. And where are we going anyway?” Lily demanded.

James said nothing, just continued to pull Lily farther and farther into Hogwarts. Eventually, they found themselves in the basement, in front of a portrait with a fruit bowl. James held up a finger and made a show of tickling the green pear.

“What are you…” Lily trailed off as the pear giggled and turned into a giant green door handle. With a fluorish, James opened the portrait and ushered Lily through. When Lily stepped on the other side of the portrait, she found herself in the middle of the Hogwarts kitchens, full of house elves. “Wow.”

“Isn’t it great?” James said. “Wait here. I’m going to get us some food.” Before Lily could say anything, James joined the midst of the house elves. She watched as he tapped one on the shoulder, who turned and beamed at the black haired boy. They spoke for a moment before the house elf disappeared, reappearing moments later with a basket. James appeared to thank the house elf before heading back to Lily. He smirked at her and held out his arm.

“Shall we, milady?” he asked.

“Shut up, Potter,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. James laughed and turned back to wave at the few house elves who had paused their work to look at the young witch and wizard. The majority of them, however, bustled about the kitchen, carrying pots and pans and ingredients. Lily was fascinated. James had to pull her out of the kitchen, causing her to trip over the lip of the portrait.

“Are you alright, Lily?” he asked, steadying her with one hand.

“What are they working on?” Lily asked as the portrait swung closed behind them, trying to sneak another glance of the hardworking creatures.

“Probably breakfast,” James said, shrugging. “I’ll take you back sometime and introduce you to Miffy. But for now, we have a place to be.”

“And where is that?”

“Patience, Evans. You’ll see.”

With that, James grabbed Lily by the hand once more and tugged her after him. This time, he led the way to the top of Hogwarts, pulling her through hallways and up staircases. They paused in front of the Fat Lady, who was fast asleep, where James handed her the basket of food and disappeared inside. He returned a few minutes later holding a large cloak, grinning triumphantly. With a flourish, James whipped the cloak over his head and shoulders. Lily watched as he disappeared completely before her eyes.

What was he doing?

“James?” Lily whispered, hesitantly reaching a hand out to where he had previously been standing. Suddenly, a hand was grabbing her wrist and yanking her under fabric. As the cloak settled over her head, Lily found herself inches from James, her nose practically pressed into his neck. She took a half step back and looked around. Through the filmy material of the fabric, she could see the dark halls of Hogwarts and the pink dress of the Fat Lady.

It was magical, which shouldn’t have surprised Lily as much as it did after seven years full of magic. And yet, she was surprised. And elated. She hesitantly touched the fabric, curious as to what it would feel like, but it felt like any regular cloak.

“Amazing,” Lily whispered to herself.

“Yeah, it’s great for pulling pranks. Come on, we’ve got a date.” This time, James simply began to walk, content to let the invisibility cloak pull Lily along with him. They continued to walk up and up, all the way to the Astronomy Tower. There, James pulled the cloak off of the two of them. He led them out to the balcony and laid the cloak out on the floor like a picnic blanket. He sat down and patted the space beside him.

“Are you sure we should sit on it? It seems… precious,” Lily said.

“It’s been through worse with Sirius,” James assured her. “Trust me.”

Lily supposed that that was true and sat down next to the boy, setting the basket between them. As James went about pulling out food, Lily looked up to the sky. It was clear and black, lit up only by a sliver of a moon and a thousand stars. It took Lily’s breath away, how many stars there were.

“Wow,” she whispered to herself.

“Here,” James said, handing her a sweet roll. Lily took it with a smile and began pulling it apart, sticking bits of the bread in her mouth and chewing.

“It’s beautiful out here,” Lily said after a few minutes of them sitting and eating in silence.

“I thought you would like it,” James said, a little bit smug. Lily reached out and hit him on the shoulder. “Ow!”

“You’re a prat,” Lily told him.

“Hey, I’ve been planning this since fifth year,” James said defensively.

Lily nearly choked on the last of her roll. “Fifth year?”

“Well,” James said, suddenly sheepish, “that was the year that Sirius started setting me up with girls, and I went on a lot of dates.”

“So, you were just planning the perfect date.”

“The perfect date for _you_.”

“You’ve liked me since fifth year?”

“I’ve liked you since I met you, Lily,” James said honestly. “I knew it the moment you sat down beside me at the Gryffindor table.”

“Oh,” Lily said. She wasn’t sure what to do with that information. It made her stomach flutter in a funny way, but it also felt like an enormous responsibility. Seven years was a long time to like someone. It was a lot to live up to.

“I mean, not to freak you out or anything,” James hurried to say. “It wasn’t like I’ve been in love with you for the past seven years. It was just like… every so often, you would do something in class or wear your hair a different way, and I’d think, ‘Merlin, she’s wonderful.’ But I’ve liked other people. I’ve dated other people. It’s just… you were always there.”

“That’s really sweet, James,” Lily said. “It’s just a little overwhelming. I just— I don’t want you to have built me up to be this some amazing, unattainable person that I can never hope to be.”

“I don’t! I haven’t! Trust me, Lily, you drive me absolutely mad sometimes. You’re stubborn and impatient, and you can be vicious. I’m not looking at you through rose-colored glasses. I’m looking at you as a person, with all the good and all the bad.” James ran a hand through his hair as he spoke, gripping it periodically.

Lily smiled. “I can be vicious, can’t I?”

“Extremely.” James smirked. “It’s kind of hot. Scary, but hot.”

Lily went to smack him again, but James managed to dodge out of the way. She huffed and grabbed an apple slice, biting into it. She crunched on it thoughtfully, staring up at the sky. She felt James’s eyes on her and willed her cheeks not to burn under his gaze. She didn’t want him getting the impression that she was going soft.

Finally, Lily turned back to James. “I just don’t know what you’re going to do after this.”

James’s face fell. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what are you going to do for our second date? A trip to Hogsmeade? That hardly beats a picnic under the stars.”

Lily watched as James’s smile grew, his hazel eyes sparkling under his glasses. “Oh, I’ll think of something.”


	8. and my words shoot to kill when i'm mad

_and my words shoot to kill when i'm mad_  
~this is me trying, taylor swift

* * *

James always got up early on days where there was a Quidditch match. He got so anxious, he could hardly sleep. So when the sun finally broke through the window and filled James’s bed through the crack in his curtains, he knew it was time to get up. 

He pulled on his Quidditch gear, knowing that he wasn’t going to be back at the dorms before the game started. He grabbed his notebook and pen—Remus had picked them up from a Muggle store over the summer so James didn’t have to juggle various pieces of parchment and quills for his Quidditch plays. 

James quietly descended the stairs to the Common Room. He was expecting the room to be empty, as it typically was at this time in the morning, but there was a sleepy Lily, sitting on the arm of the couch. 

She yawned before smiling at him. She was wearing her pajamas, Muggle ones that looked soft and worn. Her normally neat hair was sticking up with flyaways and the sunlight caught them, making a golden halo around her.

The butterflies erupted in his stomach, as they had every time he saw her since fifth year.

“I don’t know what kind of loon you are to be up this early on a match day,” she said. 

“You look beautiful,” James said, the words she had spoken not registering in his brain. 

Lily smiled and rolled her eyes as she stood up and crossed the room to James. 

“I wanted to wish you luck, but I wasn’t sure if I would see you before the game,” she said. “Sirius told me that you get up early on match days.”

He nodded as he stuck his hand out. Lily placed her hand in his and pulled her towards him. She released his hand and wrapped her arms around his middle, her head coming to rest right under James’s chin. His heart was pounding in his chest, so loudly he wondered if Lily could hear it. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek on the side of her head.

Being with Lily had been a wonder to James, so much so he would pinch himself every so often to make sure he wasn’t dreaming up the whole thing. 

Lily seemed to speak a language that James had quickly caught on to. They didn’t become the couple that snogged in the corridors between classes or made a scene in the Great Hall or Common Room, which all their friends had expected from them. 

There were brushes and quick touches. Stolen smiles and glances. They would walk beside each other to class, their arms brushing up against each other. They would look at each other in the classroom when someone said something stupid. At mealtime, Lily would sit across from him, smiling and laughing at their friends' antics while her ankle was touching his under the table. 

In the Common Room, they touched more often and openly. Their fingers laced together, hugs, and James resting his head on Lily’s lap when they grouped together around the fire. 

Everything with Lily felt so exciting but at the same time, there was this feeling that James couldn’t quite place. The only thing that came close to it in James’s mind was the feeling of when he hopped off his broom after flying for hours. It felt solid. 

“How are you feeling about the match today? It’s against Ravenclaw, right?” she asked, adjusting her hands on his back slightly. 

“Yeah. I’m feeling pretty good. They have a new seeker so I’m confident Alice will get the snitch. Their chasers are still pretty good, especially Benjy, but I think we’ll be okay.”

Lily hummed as she pulled away. James instantly missed her. 

She eyed the notebook in James’s hand, gently grabbing it. 

“Where did you get this? I haven’t seen one of these since primary,” she said, eyeing it. 

James pulled the pen out from behind his ear and clicked it. Lily’s eyes sparkled with delight. 

“Remus. He was tired of having parchment everywhere before a game. He picked these up from a Muggle store,” James explained. “Dad fell in love with the pens. He has one in every color imaginable after he saw mine.”

“I should ask my mum to send him the special glittery ones I have,” Lily mused. 

James laughed at the image of his father writing with Muggle pens with glitter. Fleamont Potter would be over the moon if he got his hands on pens that had glitter in it. 

Lily yawned as she handed his notebook back. 

“Well, Captain, good luck. You better win so you aren’t in a foul mood at the Christmas party.”

James groaned a little, thinking of the dreaded Slug Club Christmas party that was supposed to take place this evening. The only good thing James could think about it was the school sanctioned drinking and the fact that Lily would be his date tonight. 

Lily pulled him close once and again and stood on her toes. James smiled before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

* * *

James was happy that Ravenclaw didn’t want to show the Gryffindor team any mercy. In the first few plays of the match, James could tell that Captain Benjy Fenwick had instructed them to play their hardest. 

The thing was though, like Ravenclaws, they had strategy, a carefully laid out plan for their games. They had an expectation of how the game was going to go, and they would do everything they could to get their plans to come to life. 

They never seemed to remember that Gryffindors thrived when plans went sideways. 

James also had a strategy, one that he and his team knew well. But James had picked his team based on more than their ability to follow plays. In tryouts, James wanted to see what they would do in a pinch, how brave they were willing to get on the field to secure a win. 

Gryffindor and Ravenclaw were tied for points, and the seekers were neck-in-neck, chasing after the snitch that remained just outside of their reach. 

All of things happened at once, almost in slow motion for James. 

He saw the Ravenclaw beater hit the bludger right at Alice, who was a hair away from the snitch. James did the only thing that made sense to him in the moment and sped right in the line of the bludger.

Pain bloomed on his side when he collided with it, while Gordon, the second best chaser on the team scored another ten points for Gryffindor and Alice caught the snitch.

The pain on James’s side was completely ignored as the announcer gave Gryffindor the victory. 

A sea of red and gold flooded the field, zoning in on Alice, who just landed on the ground, and hoisting her up with cheers of delight. 

James didn’t join the celebration and went to talk to Benjy. 

“You lot are insane,” Benjy said, shaking James’s hand. He was James’s favorite out of all the other captains because he was always thrilled with the challenges of the game. “I can’t believe you took a bludger for it.”

“I did what I had to do,” James said with a smirk. Benjy clapped him on the back and ran to the locker rooms where his team was waiting for him. 

The horde of Gryffindors were already making their way up to the Common Room, ready to throw a party to celebrate the win.

Sirius and Remus were hanging back, waiting for James. 

It hit James that there was an absence. Peter had come to every game to cheer James on since he made the team in third year, just as James had always gone to his gobstones tournaments before he quit halfway through last year. It hurt worse the throbbing pain in his side. 

But it was just Sirius and Remus, bundled up in their cloaks with Gryffindor scarves around their necks, their Wormtail missing. 

Sirius gave an enthusiastic replay of the game, making it sound like the game was a life or death situation and giving James too much credit for the bludger, as James put his teammates brooms away, the pain in his side growing. 

“Did Pete go up to the party?” James asked, locking the shed and turning to look at his friends. 

Remus frowned as Sirius tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. 

“He said he was sick,” Remus said. “We walked him to the Hospital Wing. I was going to stay with him, but he insisted he was fine. He said not to worry.”

James frowned, worry filling his gut. 

“Is he okay?” James asked, his eyebrows knitting together. 

“Maybe he’ll come back before you have to go to old Sluggy’s party, get him get him to play a round of gobstones,” Sirius said, hopeful in the fourth member of their group.

* * *

The party in Gryffindor tower was more laid back than usual, but not any less fun. Lily had allowed the first and second years to join when no alcohol made an appearance, and the whole Common Room had been enthralled by an exploding snap game between two second years. The room was betting on which one would win. 

Having seen enough, James pulled on his dress robes and tried to flatten his hair down. According to Lily, the Christmas party was when Slughorn invited the people who he deemed important.

James didn’t need to network, but he knew damn well that Lily would need to. James had read _The Prophet_ , seeing that it was only getting harder and harder for Muggleborns out there, no matter how talented and qualified they were as wizards. If Lily was doing him the honor of being his date, he was going to look presentable and keep the mischief to a minimum. 

James gave up and grabbed the comb, heading downstairs to see if Mary or Doe could do something. Doe was sitting in front of the fireplace, listening to Mary and Sirius argue about Muggle music. 

“Doe, my only hope,” James said, interrupting the conversation. “Will you help me with my hair?”

“Hold on, what?” Sirius asked, turning away from Mary. “Your hair?”

Doe smiled and nodded. James handed her the comb and sat on the floor in front of her.

“If I want to look half way presentable, I need help,” James said. 

Sirius blinked at James. Remus was smirking from behind his book. Doe started gently working on his hair, James wincing as she caught a knot. 

“What has Evans done to you?” Sirius asked, lines appearing on his forehead. “Next thing you know, you’re going to say we need to stop throwing dung bombs in Filch’s office! This is sacrilege!”

“I think you’ll need divine intervention to get your hair to look presentable,” Mary added, watching Doe struggle to comb. 

“You know, your father invented hair products for a reason,” Remus pointed out. 

James groaned. 

“It slicks my hair so much, I look like a brown Malfoy. I’ll pass,” James replied. The group laughed. 

“You should try some Muggle products,” Mary said. 

“We’ve tried,” Sirius said. “Couldn’t figure out why Muggles want moose in their hair though.”

James nodded in agreement but Mary started laughing, hard. A laugh joined her and immediately caught James’s attention.

Lily looked amazing as she walked up to the couch, so much so that James thought his heart was going to stop. Her long hair was curled and bouncy. James thought she was wearing make-up, but he wasn’t too sure. All he could focus on was the freckles that dotted her face and pretty green dress that hugged her. 

If it wasn’t for the dull throb of his bruise from earlier today, James would think he was dreaming that she was his date for the night. 

James didn’t even notice Alice, slightly standing behind Lily, also dressed up with a determined look in her eyes. 

The spell was broken when there was snapping noise. 

“Uh, James… your hair broke your comb,” Doe said. 

James stood up and grabbed the broken piece from Doe. 

“Too bad it’s Sirius’s comb,” he said. 

Sirius let out a noise of outrage as James tossed the piece of comb at him and grabbed Lily’s hand, dashing from the common room. Lily laughed as the portrait swung shut behind them. 

“Hey,” James said, looking at her. 

“Hi,” she said, smiling. “You know I don’t care about what your hair looks like, right?”

James’s heart warmed. 

“Yeah, I know,” he said with a smile. “But others might.” 

Lily reached up and messed his hair, causing James to laugh. The portrait swung open and a dressed-up Alice stepped out. 

“I would sleep with one eye open, James,” she said. “Sirius was plotting revenge.”

“He’s all talk,” James said. “You get into the Slug Club?”

She smiled and shook her head. “I’m Frank’s date.” 

The group started off, talking and laughing. James and Lily walked arm in arm as they made their way to the dungeons. Frank was waiting at the staircase, his leg shaking. 

He didn’t even say hi to James and Lily, just smiled brightly at Alice and offered her his arm. James and Lily exchanged a look, both excited for their friends. They walked down the corridor, faint hum of music and conversation getting louder with every step. Frank held the door open for all three of them. Lily straightened out her dress before they emerged into the party. 

There were more people than James was expecting, milling about. There was a group of live musicians in the corner, quietly strumming away as conversation was the main point of Slughorn’s parties. 

Slughorn appeared in front of them in bright, expensive-looking emerald dress robes.

“Lily, my dear!” he said, smiling brightly at her. “I’m so glad you could make it! There are some very important people I wish for you to meet!”

“I would love to meet them,” Lily said, smiling. Slughorn looked at James. 

“Mr. Potter! Your parents couldn’t make it tonight. I don’t think Fleamont has accepted an invitation of mine for years, but I don’t take it personally. I know how persnickety he is. Euphemia is the one who always steals the show anyway.”

James smiled and nodded, highly doubting his parents were even invited. It’s not that Slughorn didn’t like his parents; he just had more acquaintances that he deemed more important than his parents that wouldn’t like the blood traitor Potters milling about. James was lucky he was even here. 

Lily kept her arm in his as Slughorn led them to a group of people that he swore Lily needed to talk to. James couldn’t remember their names, but he knew they were skilled potioneers. James smiled and laughed. Interjected a few times about Lily’s excellent work in charms or potions that caused Lily to squeeze his arm, whether as a _Stop embarrassing me_ or a _Thank you_ , James couldn’t tell. 

James took a moment to look around the room as one of the people started telling the group about their theoretical potions theory. 

In the back corner, hiding in the shadows, was Severus Snape. James would have missed him except for the feeling of someone staring at James. It took him a moment to realize Snape wasn’t glaring at him, but rather Lily and James’s arms that were looped together. 

Snape’s gaze flicked up to James’s, and James saw the anger flash in his eyes. 

A large part of him wanted to walk over there and ask what his issue was, but the rational part of James’s brain knew that was asking for trouble. James did the smart thing and looked away. 

Slughorn tapped James on the shoulder, telling him that a famous Quidditch team from Puddlemore United had arrived and that Slughorn thought James would love to talk to her. 

Lily shot him a smile and released his arm, ushering him off. 

James didn’t get to say much to the Quidditch player, but he listened to her talk about the different strategies Puddlemore had been practicing. He was particularly interested in the team training their players on riding their brooms upside down.

The conversation drew more into the perks of being a famous Quidditch player and James lost interest, not really caring about brand deals and salary. He looked around the room, looking for Lily. 

He didn’t see a flash of red hair, but he did a double take at a figure across the room, thinking it was Sirius. 

James thought it was eerie how much Regulus and Sirius looked like, down to the curl pattern of their smooth black hair. What was even more eerie was that Regulus was glancing at James, almost like he wanted to speak to him. 

James excused himself from the conversation about _Witch Weekly_ photoshoots and crossed the room towards Regulus. He knew it would be weird to directly approach him, seeing as how the room was crawling with Regulus’s Slytherin gang. James instead looked at him and then turned to the snack table. 

Sirius was sure that Regulus was different from the crowd he hung out with, and James trusted Sirius, despite James having not seen any evidence otherwise. 

James was picking up a snack at random when he saw something slide toward him at the table while a pale hand reached for a cucumber sandwich. James glanced down to see a sealed envelope with Sirius’s name on it. 

“I’ll take it to him,” James whispered. Regulus quickly left. 

James set his plate on the envelope and picked the letter back up with it. He placed it in his pocket as smoothly as he could. 

He moved around the room, looking for Lily, and it wasn’t until he realized that Snape had left his corner that James cursed. He passed Alice and Frank and randomly handed them his plate of snacks. Frank looked at him questioningly, but James didn’t explain, just headed for the door. 

When James walked out he heard the sound of voices coming from the left. He followed it. 

“—can’t believe it! After everything he has done to me. To you!” James heard Snape’s hiss. “What about all the talk of how insufferable he was? Where is that Lily?”

“I changed. James changed,” Lily’s voice rang out. “It is none of your business to begin with!”

“He keeps dangerous company! And he can’t keep you safe, not like I can,” Snape pleaded. 

James felt anger rise in his stomach as he continued to follow the voices. 

“Keep me safe?” Lily repeated, her voice rising exponentially. “You think you’re keeping me safe by joining a group that _wants to kill me_?”

Lily hissed those last words and it made James freeze, just around the corner from where James thought they were talking. 

“How fucking dare you!” Lily exploded. “How fucking dare you think for a second that supporting a cause like that is keeping me safe! You do nothing but help the movement that will only keep me in harm's way. How dare you think that I need help from you or him to keep me safe!”

Her voice was loud, thundering around the corridor. 

“If any harm comes to me,” Lily started again. “It will be your fault because you chose to support _You Know Who_. I’m not fucking flattered that I’m the only exception to your sick ways.”

James decided now was the moment to step out from around the corner. Snape was standing there, slack jawed at Lily. Lily stood, her fists clenched at her sides. 

Snape’s eyes flickered towards James. Lily whipped around, her eyes softening a hair when she saw James. 

She started towards him. As she neared, James felt a change in the air, almost like it was crackling with electricity. As Lily grabbed his hand and pulled him away, his hair stood up on his body. He realized that Lily was radiating magic, and it was powerful. 

Like he said, she could be vicious.


	9. i can go anywhere i want, just not home

_i can go anywhere i want, just not home_  
~my tears ricochet, taylor swift

* * *

_Dear Lily,_

_We are so excited for you to come home and tell us all about your past semester at Hogwarts! As you know, we’re exceptionally proud that you made Head Girl, and we’re looking forward to hearing about the silly antics that those boys in your house have gotten up to—how is your friend, Remus, by the way? Still sickly?_

_I must say that I was rather surprised when you told me that you had started dating James Potter. Wasn’t he the one you were always going on about being a prat? Now, I don’t agree with that kind of language, but I am surprised that you changed your mind. I love you, Lily dear, but you are rather stubborn. However, if James’s family is going to be gone for the first few days of break, of course he is welcome to come join us. And Sirius as well—I’m sure he has some wonderfully funny stories to tell. The more, the merrier!_

_Anyway, I should probably get to the point of this letter. Petunia has met someone! His name is Vernon Dursley, and he’s very well-to-do. (Personally, your father thinks he’s a little boorish, and I find him a little dull, but all in all, a nice man.) Petunia is quite smitten with him, and we’ve decided to host him for Christmas. Of course, I hate to ask you to hide your magic and cover up anything extraordinary about your school, but Petunia is quite adamant that we all act as normal as possible. So, I’m writing to warn you to come up with some good cover stories, though I can’t imagine that that will be hard for you. (You’ve always been the creative one.) I hope that you’ll pass the message along to your guests as well, even if they are only staying three days. Subtlety is key in this situation, I’m afraid._

_I’m very much looking forward to meeting James and Sirius, and, as always, I’m ecstatic to have you back for a few weeks. You’ll be eighteen at the end of January—can you believe it? I feel as if it were only yesterday that I was holding you in my arms and singing you to sleep. I’m so incredibly proud of you, Lily, and I can’t wait to see you._

_Love,_  
_Mum._

Lily read through the letter twice while on the Hogwarts Express back to Platform 9 ¾. She skipped over the parts where her mother talked about how much she missed her—a mysterious lump would always form in Lily’s throat at those words—and focused instead on the paragraph that talked about Petunia. Particularly, Petunia and Vernon Dursley. Lily couldn’t imagine the type of man to have that type of name. It was positively ridiculous.

“Oi, Evans,” Sirius said, lounging on the seat across from where she, James, and Alice sat. “Are you reading that letter again?” He flopped his head back so that it landed in Remus’s lap. Remus simply sighed and continued reading his book. Mary, on the other hand, shoved Sirius’s feet off of her lap and reached over to thump him on his head. Doe and Peter had stayed behind at Hogwarts—Doe’s parents wanted her to stay at school this year, and Peter always stayed behind as his family traveled to Hogsmeade for the break where they all met up.

“I’m just making sure I’m prepared,” Lily said defensively. James laughed beside her, his arm thrown across her shoulder. 

“I don’t know how reading a letter is going to prepare you to meet your sister’s stuffy boyfriend,” James said.

“We don’t know that he’s stuffy,” Lily said.

“Your father called him boorish, and your mother called him dull,” James said.

“And I’ve never known your mother to say a bad word about anyone,” Alice pointed out.

“Dull isn’t a bad word,” Lily argued.

“It’s not exactly a glowing endorsement,” Remus piped up, eyes still glued to his book.

“Is everyone going to gang up on me?” Lily demanded.

“Yes,” they chorused. Lily huffed, and James reached over to grab the letter out of Lily’s hands and fold it up. With a flick of his wand, he sent it flying up into her messenger bag that was stowed away with their trunks over their heads. Lily shot James a look.

“I’m keeping you from going insane,” he told her lovingly. Lily rolled her eyes and shrugged his arm off of her shoulders.

“I’m just so nervous,” Lily said. “I haven’t exactly been on Petunia’s good side since I was eleven, and now I have to meet her stuffy boyfriend, and if anything goes wrong, she will absolutely blame me.”

“So you agree he’s stuffy,” Sirius said.

“You both need to be on your best behavior,” Lily told him and James. “Promise me.”

“I promise, Lily,” James said.

“I promise nothing,” Sirius said. Lily shot him a glare. He simply glared back. 

“Come on, Padfoot,” James goaded. Sirius continued to glare. James gave Remus a pleading look, whose eyes were still locked on the pages of his book. Remus sighed and closed his book, looking down at Sirius’s head in his lap.

“Sirius, promise Lily that you’ll behave,” Remus said.

Sirius sighed. “Fine. I promise, Evans.”

Lily let out a breath of relief. “Thank you.”

The train let out a piercing whistle and began to slow down. Lily looked out the window and saw the green of the countryside fading to concrete and busy streets. James got up from the seat and began pulling down the bags. He handed Lily her messenger bag, then stretched back up to reach for the closest trunk. Lily watched as his shirt rode up, exposing the lower part of his stomach. 

_Abs_ , Lily thought, _James has abs_. 

Feeling her face begin to turn red, Lily was glad when the train suddenly stopped and James went flying backwards, landing on Remus’s lap where Sirius’s head still happened to be.

“Oi! Get off of me!” Sirius struggled, his limbs flailing about as he shoved James onto the floor. Lily, Alice, and Mary laughed while Sirius exaggerated his breathing and Remus shook his head.

The next several minutes were a blur as the luggage was finally passed around, and the group made their way off of the train. Lily searched for her mother and father in the thick crowd, standing on the tips of her toes to try and see over the students and parents reuniting. Finally, she spotted her father.

“Dad!” Lily called, waving her arm over her head. James noticed where she was looking and started making a path through the crowd, Lily and Sirius following after him. Finally, Lily saw her parents. She let her trunk fall to the ground and launched herself at them.

“Lily!” her mum cried, wrapping her arms around her daughter. “I’ve missed you!”

“I’ve missed you, too. Both of you.” Lily held an arm out to her dad, allowing him to join in a group hug. After a minute, Lily dropped her arms and took a step back. She turned around to grab James’s arm and pull him up beside her.

“Mum, Dad, this is James Potter,” Lily introduced. James smiled and stuck his hand out, shaking her father’s. Lily’s mother bypassed his hand and went for a hug.

“We’ve heard so much about you, James,” she said.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Evans,” James said.

“Please, call me Violet,” Lily’s mum said. Lily shuddered a little. It was always weird to hear her parents’ first names. They were Mum and Dad, not Violet and Thomas.

“And you can call me Thomas,” Lily’s dad added.

“Pleasure to meet you both,” James said.

“And what am I, chopped liver?” Sirius asked, coming up between Lily and James and throwing his arms around the both of them. Lily grimaced.

“This is Sirius,” Lily said, “who promised to be on his best behavior.” Lily looked pointedly at him.

“I said in front of the boyfriend, nothing about the parents,” Sirius argued.

Lily’s mum laughed. “It’s no wonder Lily has her hands full at school. It’s wonderful to meet you, Sirius. I’m so pleased that the both of you are staying with us for a few days.”

“Well, shall we get to it, then?” Lily’s dad asked, bending down to pick up her trunk.

“Dad, I can get that. Your back,” Lily protested.

“We got a trolley for all of your luggage,” he told her. Slightly appeased, Lily still muttered a spell under her breath to lighten her trunk so it was easier for him to pick up and carry the few feet to the trolley. James and Sirius each loaded up their own trunks, and then the Evans’s plus two of the Marauder’s were on their way.

“Have you boys ever ridden in a car before?” Lily’s mum was attempting to make conversation. It worked.

James’s eyes lit up as Sirius grinned. They shared a mischievous look.

“No,” James told her.

“Can I drive it?” Sirius asked.

“No way,” Lily interrupted, giving him a stern look. Sirius pouted as her mother laughed.

“Mum, where’s Petunia?” Lily asked. Her sister had stopped coming to the train when she’d turned eighteen and their parents could no longer force her, but Lily still held out hope one day her sister would be there, smiling tightly—not exactly happy, but not miserable. It was a pipe dream, Lily supposed, but it was a dream nonetheless.

“Petunia’s at home, dear, getting dinner ready. She wanted to cook for everyone tonight. Vernon was going on the other night about the importance of dinners in his company, so I suppose that she wanted to show him she was capable of preparing a meal for a large gathering,” her mother said. Lily wrinkled her nose. She hadn’t even met the man, and yet, Vernon Dursley was not making a great impression.

“Come along now, the car’s over here.” Lily’s father had reached the car, unlocked the boot, and was attempting to load the trunks into it. James and Sirius rushed ahead to help, and Lily’s mum grabbed her arm, causing Lily to pause.

“James is very handsome,” her mum said. “You never mentioned that in your letters.”

“Probably because I was so busy going about how much of a prat he is,” Lily answered.

“And is he still one?” Lily’s mum asked teasingly.

“He can be.” Lily watched as James glanced around them before performing a shrinking spell on the luggage so that it could fit in the boot. Her dad’s face lit up in glee at the display of magic. “But he’s still pretty great.”

* * *

Lily picked an emerald green sweater dress out from her closet and held it up to her shoulders, looking at herself in the mirror. It was a simple dinner, but Petunia had made it clear that everyone should dress their best. Lily hoped that James and Sirius knew to take her seriously.

Lily sighed and stripped out of her travelling clothes, stepping into the dress. She smoothed the fabric over her stomach and went to grab her hairbrush. She hummed softly as she brushed out her hair, walking over to her closet to step into a pair of low heels. Usually, she’d go barefoot, but she doubted that Petunia would approve.

After putting on some mascara and some clear lip gloss, Lily deemed herself ready to meet Vernon Dursley. She tidied up the surface of her vanity, placing her makeup back in the drawer and her hairbrush in it’s holder, delaying the inevitable. Finally, Lily knew that there was nothing else she could do to put this dinner off, and the longer that she hid up in her room, the more time that James or Sirius had to anger Petunia or Vernon.

Lily left her room and headed down the stairs. She could hear light sounds of conversation, but they were all voices that she recognized. Had Vernon not arrived yet? The doorbell rang, then.

That answered her question.

As Lily arrived on the main floor, Petunia passed by her on the way to the door. Her sister paused, eyes roaming over Lily’s outfit.

“You’ll do,” she said, then continued to the door. Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes and made her way to the kitchen, her mother’s laugh floating through the door. Lily reached the door and saw that James was over by the sink with her mother, doing something with the salad. Her father and Sirius were on the opposite side of the kitchen, handling glasses and alcohol.

Lily smiled and walked up behind James, wrapping her arms around his waist. “What are you doing?”

“Petunia put your mum in charge of the salad,” James said. “Your mum put me in charge of the dressing.”

“A very important job,” Lily said, nodding her head solemnly.

“Lily, come set the table!” Petunia’s voice was shrill coming from the other room. Lily huffed and looked at her mother pleadingly.

“Just do as she says,” the older woman said, brandishing the salad tongs. Rolling her eyes, Lily got out the plates and cutlery and took them into the other room. It was there that Lily first saw him.

_He looks like a walrus_ , Lily couldn’t help but think. She snorted. Vernon looked up then and trained his beady eyes on her. He had the beginnings of a mustache, which Lily couldn’t decide if that would be beneficial or not, and he wore a tweed suit. Petunia had her arm through his. Lily was surprised at how thin Petunia seemed—had she always been so thin? She looked almost sickly.

“Lily, the table,” Petunia said, teeth gritted.

Lily tightened her grip on the plates. “Aren’t you going to introduce me? I believe that’s the proper thing to do.”

If steam could have come out of Petunia’s ears, Lily was sure it would have.

“Vernon, this is my little sister, Lily,” Petunia said, biting out each word.

“Ah, yes, the troubled one,” Vernon said in a quiet voice. But it wasn’t quiet enough.

“Pardon me?” Lily said. She was holding the plates so tightly that she was surprised they hadn’t broken in half yet.

“Set the table, Lily,” Petunia said loudly. Lily fumed but set the table, slamming the plates down in front of the seats. ‘The troubled one?’ Lily was furious. She stormed back to the kitchen.

“Did you tell Vernon Dursley that I was ‘troubled?’” Lily demanded.

Her mother looked shocked. “No, why on earth would you think that?”

“Because that’s what he just called me,” Lily said.

“Petunia wanted a logical reason for you to be away, but we never said that she suggest you’re troubled,” Lily’s father said.

“We’ll talk with her,” Lily’s mum assured her.

“Now?” Lily asked. Her parents exchanged a look.

“How about after the dinner?” her father suggested.

Lily couldn’t believe her ears. “So I’m just supposed to pretend like I’m some rebellious teenager?”

“This night is important to Petunia, Lily,” her mother said. “You know how she gets. I’m sorry, but we’ll make this right when Vernon isn’t here to hear us.”

Lily watched in disbelief as her mother carried the salad out of the kitchen and her father followed with a bottle of brandy and two glasses. She looked over at James and Sirius, who each held a glass in their hand.

“Give me that,” Lily said, walking up to James and grabbing his glass. She downed the liquid and coughed violently. “Fuck, that’s strong.”

“Are you okay, Lily?” James asked.

“You tell me,” Lily said. “I’m with two of Hogwarts’s best pranksters, and I’ve got a man in there who thinks that I’m a troublemaker. Let’s prove him right.”

Sirius grinned. James looked worried.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I thought you wanted tonight to go well.”

“I changed my mind,” Lily snapped, pushing the empty glass into his hands. She turned on her heel and marched into the dining room, James and Sirius following behind her. Petunia’s face soured at the sight of the two boys behind her.

“Vernon,” Lily said loudly. He stopped talking at her father and turned to face her, making a face. “I’d like for you to meet my mate, Sirius.”

Sirius stepped forward and held out his hand. Vernon took it weakly.

“And this,” Lily said, grabbing James by the arm and hauling him up beside her, “is my boyfriend, James. We all go to school together.”

“They had nowhere else to go for the holidays. Mother was so kind to invite them to stay with us,” Petunia said. She looked pained.

“Actually, my parents are just out of the country for right now. They’ll be back in a few days, and we’ll leave,” James said.

“My parents kicked me out,” Sirius said cheerfully. Vernon grimaced.

“Let’s enjoy the first course,” Petunia said, motioning to the salad sitting in the middle of the table. Everyone took a seat: Lily’s parents sat at the ends of the table; Petunia sat next to Vernon and across from Lily, who sat next to James; and Sirius sat next to James. Things were quiet as the salad was served, aside from a small quip that Sirius made about rabbit food that Lily’s father laughed at.

“So, Vernon,” Lily began, “I haven’t heard anything about you. What do you do?”

“I work at a drill company,” Vernon said proudly.

Lily had no idea what that entailed. “Fascinating.”

“It is. I meet with very important people every day, and—”

“James, Sirius, what are you two planning to do after school?” Lily’s mother cut Vernon off. “Oh, I’m sorry, Vernon, I thought you were done speaking. We’ve just already heard about your job, and I’m curious about our new guests.”

“Mother,” Petunia hissed.

“No, it’s fine. What are you planning to do? I know the school that you go to is… special,” Vernon said distastefully.

James winced. “I don’t really know—”

“James probably won’t do anything,” Sirius said. “His family is very rich. They make hair products.”

Vernon made a face.

“I’m keeping my options open,” James said to Lily’s parents. They knew the current climate in the wizarding world, the challenges that wizards and witches were facing. Lily would have difficulty finding a job with her muggle-born status, and despite James’s as a pureblood, she was sure that he would struggle with ‘blood traitor’ smeared across his name.

Vernon scoffed. “I should have known. It’s lazy, entitled folk like you that cause the rest of us to struggle.”

Lily saw red. “James is one of the most hardworking people I know. He’s Head Boy, you know.”

“Just like you’re Head Girl?” Vernon snorted. “How much does that mean at a school like yours?”

“Vernon, I don’t appreciate the tone that you’re taking with my daughter,” Lily’s father said. Vernon huffed, the short hairs of his barely visible mustache ruffling.

“Thomas,” Lily’s mother admonished, though her grip on her fork was tight. She hadn’t taken a bite of salad since Vernon had started talking.

“You know, Petunia, I think tonight is a bad night for me,” he said, getting up from the table. Petunia stood up as well.

“Vernon, please don’t go. I worked so hard on dinner,” she begged.

“And I’m sure it would have been wonderful. But I’m not sure that I can stand to be in the same room as such… delinquents,” Vernon spat the word at Lily. Lily stood up as well.

“And I’m not sure that I can stand to be in the same room as such a boorish walrus,” she snapped. Sirius laughed out loud. James looked up at her worriedly.

Vernon bristled and left the room after a hasty goodbye to her parents. Petunia followed after, trying to convince him to stay.

Lily worked to calm herself down. She hadn’t been this angry since she’d confronted Snape, and she hadn’t been that angry in a long time. Lily threw her napkin on the table and stepped away from the table. Petunia came storming back into the room, eyes flashing.

“You!” she spat at Lily. “You can’t even give me one night!”

“Did you see the way he was treating me, Tuney?” Lily demanded.

“All Mother and Father do is talk about you—‘oh, Lily’s Head Girl.’ ‘Lily has a boyfriend.’ ‘Lily got an O on her O.W.L.s,’ whatever that means! It’s always about you! Perfect Lily who can do no wrong! All I asked for was tonight, and you couldn’t even do that!”

“You lied about me! You told Vernon I was ‘troubled!’”

“Would you have rather I told him you were a freak?”

“Petunia,” their mother said. “I’ve told you a thousand times that we don’t use that language.”

“Well, she is! She’s a freak who goes to a school for freaks, who has freak friends and a freak boyfriend. Nothing about her is normal, and I deserve normal!” Petunia shouted.

Lily felt her eyes sting with tears the longer Petunia talked. Tuney had called her a freak for years, and she’d always tried to let it roll off of her back. But now, she threw the words like knives and each one pierced her heart.

“I’m moving in with Vernon,” Petunia said. “That’s what we were going to tell you tonight, but you were so busy worshipping Lily and her freak friends that you never gave me the chance. And I’m glad to get out of here and away from _you_!” She aimed the ‘you’ at Lily, who couldn’t help the tears that spilled over. Petunia stormed out of the dining room and upstairs, slamming the door to her bedroom.

Lily stood stock-still, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. James stood up.

“Lily?” he asked. She buried her head in his chest and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Long chapter! Poor Lily! Have you guessed who's writing who yet?
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! We'd love to hear your thoughts!


	10. i never thought i'd live to see it break

_i never thought i'd live to see it break_  
~taylor swift, haunted

* * *

On the morning of James and Sirius’s last day with the Evans family, James woke up to a gentle prodding. 

He opened his eyes, the world blurry without his glasses, but he could still make out the blob that was Lily Evans crouching beside the bed. 

“I have a surprise for you,” she said. “Get up.”

James reached for his glasses, the world becoming clear once they were on. Lily was beside the bed, smiling at him. 

“Is the surprise a lovely kiss in the morning?” James asked. Lily scrunched her nose. 

“You haven’t brushed your teeth yet,” she pointed out. “Brush them and then meet me in my room.”

James got up quickly after that. He brushed his teeth and found a shirt to pull on, then slowly tiptoed down the hallway to where Lily’s room was. 

Her door was open a crack, and James quietly pushed it open. Lily was sitting on her bed, swinging her legs, a wrapped present in her lap. James smiled a little. 

“I thought we said no presents,” he said. He, of course, had gotten Lily one, but he truly didn’t think she would get him anything. 

“I couldn’t resist,” she said. “And don’t pretend you didn’t get me anything.”

“It’s in my trunk. Be right back,” he said. 

James quietly went back to the guest bedroom and grabbed the heavy box that he had charmed smaller so he could still pack his clothes. He grabbed his wand and changed it back to its original size again. 

He went back to Lily’s room and she eyed the box in his hands. 

“Please tell you didn’t spend a lot,” she said. James shook his head. 

“I swear to Merlin, I got you the cheapest thing I could find,” he said. Lily rolled her eyes as James sat beside her. He handed her the box, and she handed him his present. James smiled at the wrapping paper that had little drawn reindeers on it. 

“Open yours first,” she said. 

James tore into the wrapping paper, revealing three notebooks that looked more like books that had “Composition” written on them with a place for him to write his name. He also pulled out a little package that contained yellow sticks.

“I got you some sturdier notebooks in different colors,” she said. She picked up the package with sticks in it. “These are pencils. They can make marks like a pen, but they can be erased without a spell.”

James smiled as he inspected the things, his heart warming. He thought of his old Quidditch notebook that was so well used, the pages were crinkling. 

“Thank you. This will be great for Quidditch!” he said, cracking open one of the notebooks. 

“I forgot a pencil sharpener and I couldn’t find a good spell, so I’ll get you one before Christmas is over,” she said. 

James looked at his girlfriend and for the millionth time, he wondered how he got so lucky. 

“Your turn,” he said. 

Lily wasted no time opening the box, using her wand to slice the top of it. James got a little nervous all of the sudden as Lily pulled out the large leather bound tome with a questioning look. It was much larger than normal books, and James thought that it wouldn’t look out of place in the restricted section of the library at Hogwarts, save for the fact it was clearly new looking. 

“The Potter’s have been inventing potions for generations,” James started. “Skele-gro, pepper-up, and then Dad’s hair thing. Since Dad’s been retired, he’s been going through all the journals of our family and kind of transcribing their process and the theory behind it all.”

Lily looked at James with wide eyes but didn’t say anything. James suddenly felt panic, thinking Lily didn’t like it. 

“I was asking my mum and dad for advice as to what to get you, and they suggested a copy of this because, well, most great potioneers are purebloods only because they get knowledge passed down from generations and it’s a hard field for muggleborns to excel in because they don’t get that kind of knowledge and—”

“James,” Lily said, cutting off his babbling. “James, I love it.”

Her eyes were sparkling and there was a faint flush to her cheeks. She carefully set the book down on her other side and then launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around him. James dropped his notebooks and pencils, making them drop to the floor as he hugged Lily back. 

“Dad also left blank pages in the back for you to put your own work,” James said. 

Lily pulled away slightly and looked up at James. 

“I’m not a Potter, though,” she said. 

“Dad said that any great potioneer should be able to go in the book,” James said. “And he has lost all hope that I would be the next one to write in the book.” 

Lily snorted. 

“Prat,” she said, before pressing her lips against his.

* * *

James was surprised when both Thomas and Violet hugged him and Sirius goodbye. 

“It was so lovely to meet you two,” Violet said, squeezing James tightly. 

“Thank you for having us,” James said, pulling away. 

“And for showing us all of Evans’ baby pictures,” Sirius added with a smirk. 

Lily scoffed and crossed her arms. 

“It’s rare I get to embarrass this one,” Violet said. “I had to jump on the opportunity.”

James promised that he would talk with his parents and see if they could schedule a dinner with them, despite James feeling the beginnings of the embarrassment that he knew Euphemia and Fleamont would unleash.

Lily’s parents went back into the house, leaving Lily, James, and Sirius standing in the backyard. Lily gave them a small smile. 

“You can come over anytime over holiday,” James said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. He knew that Lily was happy to have the rest of break to spend time with her parents, but Petunia’s attitude seemed to worsen with every passing day. James wished he could do something to make it better. He was nice and polite to Petunia the few times that they had to interact, but Petunia would scoff and then Lily would get angry, and it never ended well. 

Lily nodded. She gave James and Sirius a hug. James kissed her cheek and promised that he would send a letter when he got home. She smiled and waved as the boys walked down the sidewalk, checking to make sure no one was around. Then, with their trunks in hand and a tug in their guts, James and Sirius left the village of Cokesworth and apparated to Godric’s Hollow. 

James and Sirius appeared in the backyard of the Potter Manor. Normally, the garden was full of life, his mother and father taking a lot of pride in their magical garden, but now it was lifeless. Whether it was from the cold or the fact that James’s parents had been busy, he didn’t know. 

“I kind of like Muggle homes,” Sirius said as they started up the path. 

“It was pretty cool. The record player Thomas had? Amazing,” James added. 

Sirius smiled. “You think Moony would like one of those?” His trunk hit James’s leg. 

“I think anyone would like to have one,” James said with a laugh. “Besides, didn’t you already get Moony a new jumper that had a heating charm on it? You’re spoiling him.”

“I would get Moony anything he wanted,” Sirius replied.

As they neared the manor, James felt the magic wards come around them. The backdoor opened and there stood James’s mum, Euphemia Potter.

She was tall but shrinking with her old age. She and Sirius normally could look each other in the eyes, but James could tell that that wasn’t the case anymore. Her dark silver hair was tied into a bun. 

“What did Sirius Black first say to me when he stepped out of the fireplace two summers ago?” she called. 

“I’m finally free,” Sirius replied. 

Her hazel eyes turned to James. “What did James used to hide under his bed?”

James wanted to groan at the memory but he knew that his mum might hex him if he didn’t answer. 

“Toads from the pond down the lane,” he replied. 

She smiled and held her arms open, welcoming her sons. James and Sirius elbowed each other as they playfully fought to be the first one Euphemia hugged. She hugged them both instead, squishing them together. 

“Did you have a lovely time with Lily’s family?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” James said, giving his mum a squeeze. 

“They wouldn’t let us drive the car,” Sirius said. 

Euphemia laughed. “They’re smart folks, then.” 

Just as quickly as the laughter in her features came, they went. She took a deep breath.

“We’ll have to do more catching up later, I’m afraid,” Euphemia said, sighing. “Dumbledore is here. He wants to talk to you lads.”

James and Sirius exchanged a panicked look with each other.

“Mum, I swear we didn’t do—” James started to say, but Euphemia cut him off. 

“You’re not in trouble,” she said. 

For some reason, that didn’t make the boys feel better. 

James took his mother’s arm, giving her support, as they headed to the tea room. James and Sirius were polite to the paintings on the wall as they welcomed them home. 

Dumbledore sat in the armchair with a horrid floral pattern on it. His long robes pooled around his feet When they entered the room, his sharp blue eyes inspected them. 

Professor McGonagall sat on the couch. Her face was pinched in an expression James and Sirius knew meant that she was cross. She was looking angrily down at her tea. James’s father was sitting closest to Dumbledore. Normally, Fleamont was like James, always smiling, the glint of mischief in his eyes, but that was gone. Yet, he smiled weakly at James and Sirius when they entered. 

“Welcome home, boys,” Fleamont said. James put a hand on his shoulder as they passed. 

Euphemia sat next to McGonagall. James didn’t know where to sit as Sirius took the last armchair. He settled on perching on the arm of the chair. 

“I hope you two had a lovely time at Miss Evans’s house,” Dumbledore said, taking a moment to sip some tea. 

“It was nice,” Sirius said. His tone was a tad guarded. 

“You must be wondering about why Minerva and I are paying you a visit during break,” Dumbledore said. “I’m not going to keep you in suspense.”

He sat his saucer with his tea cup on the table in front of him. 

“As you know, the Wizarding World here in Britain has fallen on dark times, and I fear the darkest are almost among us.”

James shifted in position, the chair creaking a bit. 

“I wish I could say that Hogwarts is going to be spared from this, but it is becoming more and more evident that that is an impossible dream,” he said, before clearing his throat. “I have knowledge that quite a few students are pledging themselves to the Dark Lord. I fear Hogwarts will become the front line of the war effort.”

Fear and sadness gripped James, thinking of the sanctuary Hogwarts had been. Sure, they had all heard the news, but life had always continued on as normal inside the castle walls. Dumbledore’s words meant that it was changing. He had half a mind to write to Lily, Remus, Mary, and Alice and tell them not to come back. 

“I’m telling you this because I think you young men can handle it and maybe even help. I do believe that Voldemort—” Everyone except Dumbledore flinched. “—can be defeated. I believe I will need your help.”

James saw McGonagall tense up, but she didn’t say anything. 

“I just need you and any other students to keep an eye out for Death Eaters. Watch for strange activity and any behavior you may think is connected to Voldemort. Is that agreeable?”

It was almost the same thing as being Head Boy. James nodded. So did Sirius. 

“I want to also ask that if the time comes, you boys will stay and fight,” Dumbledore said. 

James swallowed. He had planned on joining the war effort after Hogwarts. He almost felt like there was no choice. However, Dumbledore was saying it was _now_ ; there were no more chances to live happily in the last few months of his childhood. He couldn’t spend the next few months carefree with Lily, working hard to make sure that the relationship would be something that would last a lifetime.

But saying no would be a disservice to her because it was her life that was threatened more so than his. How could he have a future with her when the Wizarding World was actively trying to make sure she wouldn’t have one?

James didn’t want any of his friends to agree with this, not even Sirius. He couldn’t imagine living without them. He looked at Sirius pleadingly, trying to tell him to say no and that James would do it so he didn’t have too. 

Sirius shook his head at James. He turned defiantly to the adults.

“I’ll stay,” Sirius said. “I’ll join the fight.”

James placed a hand on Sirius’s shoulder. 

“I will, too,” James said. 

Dumbledore nodded grimly. Minerva looked angry. Fleamont and Euphemia looked tired.

“I’m going to ask that you speak with your friends about this as well,” he said. “We need all the help we can get.”

James wanted to say no. He wanted to say that there was no way that he was going to try and convince others that he cared about to sign up for something that would most likely end up in their deaths. 

Sirius nodded. James didn’t give any kind of confirmation to Dumbledore.

Dumbledore stayed for a few more minutes, chatting with James’s parents like he hadn’t just asked their only children to pledge themselves to a cause that would most likely get them killed. 

Once he was gone, Minerva releashed the anger she had been holding. 

“They’re children!” she said, looking at Euphemia. “This is too much to ask of them.”

“They’re of age, Minerva,” Fleamont replied, but he didn’t look happy at this excuse. 

“We were going to fight after Hogwarts,” Sirius told the room. “What’s a joining a few months early?”

Minerva looked at the boys. You could almost see in her eyes that she still saw them as the scared eleven year olds that she had helped sort. She let out a deep sigh. 

“All I’m going to ask is that you come to us first. Don’t do anything on your own,” she said. “Don’t run into anything head first. You come get a professor or Dumbledore, understand?”

Sirius and James nodded. It sounded like a reasonable promise to them at this moment. 

Minerva hugged the boys, much to their surprise, and left the Potter Manor. 

Fleamont took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. Euphemia was staring out the window that looked into their garden. The silence was stony and James couldn’t take it. He went and grabbed his trunk which he had dropped by the door to the tea room. He opened it and grabbed the wrapped parcels that were sitting on top of his clothes.

“Lily got some gifts for you, Mum and Dad,” James said as he entered the room again.

Fleamont placed his glasses back on and looked at the parcel in his hands. 

“She didn’t have to do that,” he said as he took the small one from James. 

James smiled a little. 

“After the book you gave her, it felt like the least she could do,” James replied. He handed Euphemia her wrapped gift and sat beside his mother. 

Fleamont opened his package and inspected it for a second, his eyes squinting. 

“Mia! They’re pens with glitter in it!” Fleamont called, looking delighted. “My potion notes are going to be sparkly!”

Sirius let out a barking laugh while James tried to keep a smile at bay. He wished that Lily could be there to see how absolutely delighted his father was. Euphemia looked over in interest. 

“Interesting, dear,” she said. 

Euphemia opened her present carefully and smiled at the deep purple knitted hat and scarf. 

“Lily’s mum is a knitter. She swore to me that her mum’s work is better than any kind of scarf with a heating charm on it,” James told her. 

Euphemia smiled. “It’s so lovely. I was just telling your father yesterday I needed a new scarf. My old green one has holes in it now.”

James’s father started to rise, tearing open the package of pens. 

“What’re you doing, Dad?” Sirius called. 

“Writing dear Lily a letter as a thank you,” he said grabbing the blue sparkly pen and holding it up. 

This time James couldn’t contain his laughter, his spirits lifted significantly. There were dark times ahead of them, certainly, but that didn’t mean that all bright ones were gone.


End file.
